Be Okay

If anyone of you have ever been in a relationship, and more so when there has been more than one relationship, then you probably have taken part in a breakup. (I do not support polygamy, so if you've been in two relationships and have never been involved in a breakup, then I am worried for you.) I had class this morning, but there is no high school today, so I had some time to catch up on the secular music videos that are hip cool (you can tell how hip and cool I am by the way I still use the words hip and cool together), and I would like to say that I really do think that Chrisette Michele has an amazing voice. Take a listen, her voice is amazing. So on came the video for her song "Be Ok" and I was like, "At least it's better than the Snoop Dogg video that came before it and I changed the channel for." I would post the video, but I really do not feel the need. If you want to watch her song "Be Ok," go ahead, it would probably make this post make more sense to you.

The song starts out with the deep lyrics, "Imma take my Lexus to the mall/Get a little black dress just because/Me and my boo just broke it off." Instantly you can realize you found a winner. First of all, I would like to tell you that when I had my 3rd breakup with my first boyfriend, I had a crappy crappy day. I was feeling sick already. Actually, I just realize we hadn't even broken up. I think we were just having a fight or something. Oh yes, I remember details now, but I don't think they are needed for this be a good post. Anyway, I was sick and so I didn't go to school. He called me and we fought. I cried a lot and felt horrible all around. I told my mother that I needed some cookie dough. Break ups and cookie dough should really go hand-in-hand after all. However, just because you break up, going shopping or eating pints of ice cream will not make you feel better. It will just numb the pain. I know it helps to just veg and do things to get your mind off the break up, but let me tell you something. Eating the cookie dough did not help me (besides help me get fatter), but the thing that truly made me feel great was the day that I was ready to get the remaining cookie dough and make cookies out of it. The thing that felt that best was moving on.

Now, her song does has some redeeming qualities (unlike the video), "Even though it hurts I will survive/I'll wipe my eyes, I'll stay alive/Take a deep breath and count to 10/Today's a new day I'll start again." Moving on after a break up is the best thing. Realizing it is painful and hurts and moving on. Taking each experience and learning something from it. So, perhaps someone should we should just leave the Lexus in the garage, save the money for that black dress that probably wasn't needed and learn to just love life even through life sucks, and breakups make it seem like it is the end of the world, life goes on.

"You may cry until it seems there are no more tears to give and it may feel like you have no one and no reason to live but God wants more for the life you lead and everything you share guys and girls may break your heart but he'll always be there."
-Eleventyseven, Teenage Heartbreak

I apologize if you are still in the salty stages of a breakup. God does not leave you. And it's not the end of the world.

"Teenage heartbreak nothing hurts so bad then remembering everything you had teenage heartbreaks never really last that long broken hearts heal when the pain is gone."
-Eleventyseven, Teenage Heartbreak

P.S. I am really starting to like Way of the Master Radio. The 2/21 one (hour one) was really good. I am finding Way of the Master Radio podcasts are more than just the cure for insomnia, it's got a lot of meat to chew on. And who doesn't love that? It's almost like meat that vegans would love. Well, Christian vegans. Ha, ha. Sorry, random much?
P.P.S. This isn't about anyone in certain. Just about breakups. I am not going through one, nor do I still feel the hurt of one. I am just annoyed with the music video. So get over yourself.

The Unwinding Cable Car - Anberlin

Hair Cut!

Before:

After:

I can totally rock the short hair.

Ask

You can ask me whatever questions you wish
I will not give an answer
I would rather be closed
I would rather have everything
Behind closed doors
Locked up
So you can not see
The scars I bare
The secrets I do not want to share
I know it would be freeing
Liberating
Exhilarating
I know it would be
If I only let you in
I do not want you to see
The pain I have carried
The past I have buried
I will not choose to be vulnerable
Exposed is a state in which I would like to be
So when the conversations come
Like you know they will
Like they always do
You can ask as many questions as you would like
I will not give an answer

Life and Money

April: All babies want to be born.
Me: You've said that like five times today.
April: If we say it enough, other people will start saying it just like "you suck at life."
Me: All babies want to be born.

And this a long time ago,
Randomly and out of the blue,
Krista (to me): I'm dying.

Life is a very interesting thing. It really seems like most people's motivation in life is money. I mean, that's what it's all about. You go to school, go to college all to get an education so you can get a job in whatever field of study you were in. You get a job so you can make a living, you have a family that you need to support, which you need money for. I don't want my life to be about money. I mean I realize the important of having a job and making money. I know it's important to go to college, but that costs a lot. I am excited for college, not so much for that whole being a stranger amongst many others, but I am looking forward to majoring in Youth and Family Ministry and minoring in Mass Communications. I am excited for that. I don't know why, but I am. I just don't want money to be so important that I don't always have God first in my life.

Another thing, I am single right now and am not looking for anyone. I am too young and I know this. However, when I am looking for a guy, something that is very important is that they have God first in their life. I want my husband to have God before me, to have God first and foremost. Of course, I know I need to also work on my life and make sure that God is first in my life at all times.

Brad told me that he would teach me how to punch somebody. You know, in case I ever get mad and need to punch someone in the belly. Which, may be sooner than you think. But, I am trying not to be too mad, because even if I punched him in the belly, it wouldn't hurt him. Ugh.

"Hey taxi
Take me straight to the heart of it
The nucleus of politics where somebody started it
Cause they taxed me
With a scalpel piece by piece
They cut me deep and bled me dry until there was nothing left to bleed"
"Never forget
There’s life after death and taxes
And forgiveness comes
Then all of the rest is what passes away
Death and decay can’t touch us now"
-Relient K, Life After Death and Taxes (Failure II)

Defines You

I have a question. I was talking to a friend of mine and he seems to had come to the realization that he was a jerk to me. I know, shocking considering that he left me at Worlds of Fun to hang out with someone else, but anyway, he asked why people think he's such a bad person because his past doesn't define him.

I think that your choices define who you are, but does your past define who you are?

I am really curious and even though there are two people out there that read my site, I would like some response. What do you think?

I have a past. I haven't always made the best choices. Does your past define you?

Plus: What does who you are friends with say about you? (If that even makes sense.)

Quitting and Crazy Tired

"We've got a lot to learn
Why do we always run away?
The time to fight is now
A silent voice is of no use
We've got to rise up"
-Forever Changed, Encounter

First of all, quitting. I know that I have quit a several good amount of things my life (quizzing, volleyball, track), but I don't think that you should just quit. First of all, I don't think you should quit because you were elected and were wanting to be part of it and because there is only like three months left. Not even probably. But, whatever, I was told by my mother that not everyone can feel the same way I do about something. Like, what's really important to me may not be important to someone else. I understand that. The whole thing just burns my bottom a little bit. Actually, more than a little bit. It makes me madder than a wet hen. I know that things will work out how they are supposed to. I am going to try to just keep telling myself that.

Sometimes when I laugh, I sound like I am hyperventilating. People like to point it out to me a lot. I actually have like three different laughs. Of course, that's not weird for a person who goes through like three or four stages when I am tired. It's weird that people know me well enough to know that I not only have different stages when I am tired, but they can also pretty much identify them. Ha, ha. I would like to apologize to anyone who has ever seen me tired. My brother is actually very afraid to wake me up when I am taking a nap, because when I am tired I become sort of crazy. So I apologize for anyone who has seen me crazy, whether I was tired or not.

Morning Schedules and a Small Boatload of Preachers

I really hate it when my morning schedule is thrown off. Which happens very easily, thanks to my brother. He fell asleep after shutting off his alarm clock, and woke up a good 20 minutes later, which made him get done and out of the bathroom later than usual. (And by usual, I mean there is no usual he always takes forever, like he takes longer in the bathroom than I do and I am a girl.) Which leads to my alarm going off, but I can't get up because Kyle hasn't gotten out of the bathroom yet, so I try to lightly sleep until I can hear the bathroom door open. Usually works, but this morning? No dice. And so I woke up late and got done late and I shouldn't even be taking the time to post anything because the days when I get done late are usually some of the worst of days.

However, I want to post, so I am going to. Yesterday was pretty filled. Of course, it was a Sunday, so all church-related activities. First was Sunday school and church, of course, then the youth board had a board meeting, which went very long. Then I drove to Barnard so I could go with Cole and Levi to listen to their friend Zach (who I am guessing is 18, but could be wrong) preach the evening service. It was very well done. Then after the service, apparently the hang out place was Chase's house. So, several people went there for Chili and to hang, you know. Ha, ha. Chase's family has a very beautiful house. Anyway, I am not an outgoing person when I am around people that I do not know that well. In fact, I get very quiet and close up. I wish very much so that I wasn't that way but I am. But I had seen most of those people before and even though Cole introduced me to all the adults as, "Her name is Annie, she also preaches." (But I guess that's good.) Most people probably just know me as "Annie, she goes to the same church as Cole." Ha, ha. Yep.

But anyway, yesterday in addition to hearing Zach preach, Al also preached the morning service at my church. It was good hearing other preachers, seeing as how I hope to be one someday. Actually, I am "called." But that feels very weird to say and more weird considering I don't remember being called. I remember wanting to be a youth pastor when I was like 12 or 13, but I really don't remember a divine experience like I know Jake had. Mostly it's just Pastor saying that I am "called." So I will continue to put air quotes around it. Anyway, I have done sermons before, so I enjoy watching others preach. Everyone has their own style. But I fear that I am too flippant when I am up behind the pulpit and that it one of the most unflippant places. I don't know. I don't feel as though I am as serious and everyone else. But, everyone does have their own style (which being told that just makes me think of that kid you always describe as "special" like you know, because they are a little different, but it's just nicer to say special). Like it goes the same with my writing. My brother is an excellent writer, and I thought I was pretty alright, but I suck compared to him. My mom says that we have different styles. Yep, his style is he is good and my style is I kinda suck.

I will be late if I don't go get ready, so you have a great day.