I Work at a Nursing Home

If you talk to me a lot (or I suppose, listen to me talk a lot) you probably know most of my nursing home stories. However, if you are just as bad at keeping in touch as I am, you don't know most of my stories. So, I thought perhaps, since I haven't posted in forever and a day, I should take some time and write down some of my nursing home stories.

Soda can be ambiguous. So, I was washing dishes in the back room. The phone was ringing for the kitchen (you can tell because the ring ends with a deep whenever it is for dietary) and it rang like at least twelve times before I answered. Normally, it doesn't ring for that long, but Stacy was charting and Gloria was getting the water pitchers. So, I answered the phone and Subiaco asked for about a half a cup of soda. So, I said, "I'll make sure we have some." (Since after working for almost three months, I don't really know all of what we have and don't have.) So I ask Gloria if we have soda and she says that we do in the back of the walk-in cooler. On the phone they didn't ask for a certain kind, so Gloria said to get some Sprite or 7Up. I find some store-brand lemon lime soda in one of those cute little half of a can and take it down to Subiaco. The nurse looks at me and starts laughing. I ask if this works and she laughs some more. Finally she says, "I know the lady on the phone didn't say baking soda, but that's what we need."

We cover our plates with "hats" apparently. Kyle is a CNA there and I was the only one in the kitchen at the time. So he asked me for something, but clearly he didn't know quite what it was called. He kind of motioned with his hands that he wanted something to cover the plates and said, "Do you have like...a hat?" I look at him and sort of laugh and say, "You mean a lid?" He said, "Yeah." (I must have been looking at him like I thought this was hilarioius, which I did, but he must have thought that he needed to explain himself.) "Well," he said, "I thought they had a special name." I laugh and say, "And you thought that special name was hat?" I really wasn't trying to make fun of him, but it was funny.

Then there's toothpicks. One of the newer residents is usually the last one at her table when I am clearing the tables, so she's usually sitting there when I am there. (Did you get that? She's sitting there when I'm there, I thought I'd like you know like three times, so you get it.) Anyway, she asked for a toothpick for two days in a row, so I assumed she liked using toothpicks. The third day, she was sitting there and I asked her if she wanted a toothpick. She just kind of looked at me, confused. I say, "You've wanted one before." She looks at me and is still confused, "Sure, I guess." So I bring her a toothpick, but I really felt like I was forcing this toothpick on her. And Gloria was there, but she hadn't been there either day the resident actually asked for a toothpick, so she must have really thought I was forcing a toothpick on her. I really wasn't. The best part of the story is that to use a toothpick... she takes out her teeth, right there at the table.