Forward Motion and Feeling Like Santa

"I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds"
-Relient K, Forward Motion

I'm nervous. I don't know what to do. Like I mentioned before, I am getting my local minister's license on Sunday. Now for some reason my mom told my father this. I suppose she asked him if he would be there. He actually said he would come, but he doesn't know if I want him there. I probably could call him and say that he could come if he's in town. It would just be so weird. I mean I've forgiven my father and I've gotten to this point of apathy (which perhaps to numb pain and not get hurt again, or perhaps, like I think, that's what happens when to put it like Relient K in The Apathetic Way to Be, " Yeah, I’m not angry and no I’m not upset/It’s taken me a while, but this is what I’ve learned/Emotional attachment is really not a threat/When I’m simply not concerned.") I just don't know how to involve my dad in my life. It's so weird when he's kind of like a stranger. I don't know what to do. He's my father. He's admitted to my mom that he thinks he's a failure. But, as much as I hate this expression, the ball is in my court. Actually, it's more like up in the air, but I have a chance to reach out my arm and catch it. I guess let's just see if I catch this figurative ball as well I catch a literal one.

Other than that, today I helped wrap and organize presents for the Kedish house. It's really cool. I mean, we gathered all the presents for each of the families and children and sorted it out and removed the tags that said what was inside (since what kind of surprise would that be). All the presents said, "To: so and so, From: Santa." Looking at the room filled with presents and then taking them out to her car, I must admit, it felt like Santa. I'm so glad that Kedish house puts those gift trees up. I'm sure everyone is so happy to be able to open something on Christmas morning. Plus, people donate some pretty nice stuff. I had no idea who any of the families were, and I'm sure the families like it that way, but I just love helping out. My mom and I almost forgot to sign our volunteer hours thing (which I would do even if I didn't get volunteers hours). I love Christmas. I can't wait to serve at the Community Christmas Dinner.

Also, my youth group picked up bags around town for the Community Wide Can Drive. Which, people kept telling me to not get my hopes up. I'm sick of people telling me that. My mom however made sure to give me don't-get-your-hopes-up speech without saying don't get your hopes up. She told me that, "even if you only get what is in the church, it's more than you had before." We are also donating that food to Kedish house. It's just a wonderful time of year, isn't it?

"I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life"
-Relient K, I Celebrate the Day