Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I am Exhausted

I am completely exhausted. I don't really know why, because I have just barely hit the tip of the iceberg (the iceberg being all the stuff that I need to get done). However, I really should be sleeping and even though this is probably closer to the time old people go to bed than people my age, I will be going to bed pretty soon, like in several minutes. But I am really tired, mentally and physically. It isn't that I have worked all that hard today. I mean, I had school, running errands, coming home to work on invitations for my graduation reception, going to work, going to the end of youth group, and coming home to work on invitations again, so it was basically like every other day, but for some reason, it still wore me out. Maybe it was that I was thinking about all the stuff that I still need to get done before Friday. Yes, it is so much that I am not even going to start packing until Friday because I have too many other things to worry about.

But maybe it isn't all that I have going on, maybe, just maybe, God is trying to bring me to my knees. I will be speaking in like two days (not even) and I still haven't decided what to say (don't tell Cole), but every time it feels like, before I speak, God takes me to the point of exhaustion so I get to the point where I am just like, "God, what do I say? What do I do? There's no way that I can do this." And I think God just answers, "Good. I don't want you to do it, I want everything you say to be what I want you to say. Don't try to do it all, listen to me and speak what I want you to speak." Amazingly enough, it always gets done. God is so amazing, so that even though I am so tired, I am so very tired (can't you tell by the way I have abandoned all sentence structure?), but God is enough. Not only does God bring me to my knees, but He also must control the shuffle on my ipod, because the song that came was a "Cry in my Heart" by Starfield, which is my ultimate stripped-down worship song. (P.S. I am posting the song lyrics and the actual song below.)

"There's a cry in my heart, for Your glory to fall, for Your presence to fill up my senses. There's a yearning again. A thirst for discipline, a hunger for things that are deeper. Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart, could I go there with You? (For I’ve been here before, but I know there’s still more. Oh, Lord, I need to know You). For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus? What in this life Could mean any more? You are my rock. You are my glory. You are the lifter Of my head... Lifter of this head." -"Cry in my Heart" by Starfield

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