Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Train Wreck in Progess

-Amos Bronson Alcott

I love routine. Maybe that's why I'm sad there's no school. Because summer means that I hardly have a routine. Since my mom won't let me sleep until noon, I wake up around 7:30 and have a cup of coffee then shower after that. I don't know if I've gotten the job at Southside yet (the uncertainity is giving me too much time to think about how I'll probably suck it up at work), even then I'll work whenever needed and not have a rountine. I don't like the uncertainity of what my day will bring. I actually don't even like surprises. I don't like not knowing what to expect. Since I think it goes hand in hand, I don't like change either. I like things to remain the same way, when I know what to expect.

I love spontaneity. Before you think I'm bipolar, let me say that I love a majority of things random. Out of nowhere. Just living and not thinking. I can't explain it, but there are times when I love unplanned things that you don't expect. I don't know how I can love both. Maybe I really am bipolar. Actually, that would explain a lot. Anyway, that's what that quote makes me think of. Just living and enjoying things that you have no idea what will come. I will admit I like knowing what will happen more so, but I should learn to enjoy the unknown. Because, quite honestly, it isn't as fun if you know the ending of a movie, right? Or the end of a book. It takes away the fun of reading the middle. I don't know how people can read the last chapter of a book (I prefer to read the last word or sentence and that's it). Then you lose the desire to read the middle storyline part of the book, because you know the result anyway. That's the good thing about life, you have no idea what will happen in the end. Five--even ten-year plans can fall through. Life is worth living just because it seems like a train wreck in progress. Life is worth living because we can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is worth the struggles, because we need to build the faith that no matter what the light is still there, waiting at the finish line. Life is worth every second. Oh, life is worth the spontaneity. So, maybe I shouldn't worry about making a summer routine and maybe I should just live my summer and have it come what may.

That being said, I want it to rain.

Monday, May 21, 2007

And I Was Looking Forward to Summer?

Here I am. School ended last Friday. I slept in on Saturday until almost noon. Yesterday was church, graduation, graduation parties and a bonfire. It's Monday now in case you're unable to see a calendar or you live in a dayless world. My mom thinks I have to do something this summer, so I just got done filling out an application to work at gas station. Since I'm sure that job sounds thrilling, you must understand that I live in a small town where jobs are limited. Plus, I'd get four cents off gas. With the crazy high price of gas that's currently making everyone's wallet lighter, it's a good plan. After lunch, I have to drive my brother so he can get a job application to fill out as well. The excitement is overwhelming. So, I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me, because quite honestly, I'd rather be in school right now. That's pathetic and I feel like a loser admitting that. But believe it or not, cleaning my room is not one of my favorite passtimes. However, that's what I'm doing, because my mother seems to think I must keep busy. As if having hanging out with people isn't keeping busy?

I suppose I should get back to doing something productive. Yeah, right.

So, until next time (which may very well be later today), hasta luego.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

This is the Start of Something New

This is going to be my blog. And it's going to be fun. You will enjoy it. If not, then don't bother reading it. That's about as frank as I can get. I have a xanga and while my blogging doesn't get far behind the bad stories about my lame days, I need to start blogging mainly for the fact that typing is something that keeps me busy. Why do I need to keep busy? Well, I was sitting at my computer thinking, "I'm hungry." Don't see the direct relation of typing and being hungry? In case you don't know me at all, I eat when I'm bored. If I get bored too often, I'll eat too often and then I'll just end up fat. To make matters worse, I hate exercise so much that whenever I exercise I get really angry at random things. One of those things being the whole idea of exercise itself. Then my anger leads to me eating massive amounts of junk food and thinking, "Ha! I'll show you exercise!" Which is of course followed up by an evil laugh. (Cue the "muhahaha." And so on and so forth.) Just wait, blogging will be the next new diet craze. Then again, maybe not.

Thinking of a name for my blog turned out to be a difficult task. It's like deciding on what outfit to wear if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life. Okay, minus all drama, since I know a blog name isn't ever going to be burned on to me like outfits can get burned into your skin if you feel the effects of a nuclear bomb. I'm really not this dramatic, but I'm sure sounding like it. Back to my point, a blog name. Thanks to Relient K's new CD (Five Score and Seven Years Ago), which features the song "Devastation and Reform." It was probably my second favorite song, so I'm like, "This is the definition of perfect." Or as close as you can get, since perfect is an unattainable goal. Let's look at Devastation and Reform a little closer, thanks to dictionary.com. Shall we?

dev·as·ta·tion [dev-uh-stey-shuhn] –noun
1.the act of devastating; destruction.

re-form [ree-fawrm] –verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
1. to form again.

I'd go deeper with my thoughts, but alas studying for the joyous semesters is calling my name. Oddly enough, it's quite similiar to my mother's voice saying, "Turn the computer off if that's not homework and start studying." Let's see if I can convince her I really can listen to my ipod and study. I don't know if she will buy it.

Join me on this journey?