Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I Think I am Still Alive

Yeah, so I have totally not been blogging lately. I will blame it on the fact that starting is sometimes the hardest thing. Plus, I keep saying how I don't have a life and now it seems that I don't have any time left to just be sitting down and wasting time staring at my computer screen. And I have a feeling that it will be getting worse before it gets better. I do, after all, start my college classes tomorrow. Which, by the way, I am looking forward to and not looking forward to. I am because I enjoyed my class last year and I'm not because sometimes I want to punch things and/or people. Ha, ha. But, seriously.

The nursing home is fun. Actually, it isn't always fun. Sometimes old people that stare at me make me feel awkward and makes me want to be anywhere but there. Being in the dishroom place for like an hour and a half really isn't that bad. Sometimes it is fun. It is more fun the times when I am not all by myself. But, working has become pretty routine and so I am getting used to it.

School is well, still there. I didn't want to kill everyone in my study hall today, so I am making progress. Other than that, school isn't very exciting. I realized that I am not at all good or able to do math. So, I have no idea why I am taking Senior Math.

I have A.D.D. right now and I am kind of tired. Because it is currently even after Trevor's grandma's bedtime. Ha, ha.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Bigger, Greater

Alright, my feet hurt. I am tired. I kind of want to punch something. I also just want to say that...

God is so amazing. He is so much bigger than my complaints, my fears, everything. He is bigger that my wants, my needs. He is greater, He is SO much greater.

"You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something heavenly"
-Sanctus Real, Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Blogs: Making Stalking Easier One Post at a Time

My kitten meows a lot. That being said, it was my last second day of high school. Who, who wants to learn how to stalk me even more by learning my schedule for this semester? Because, you know, I am sure you care.

1st hour (8:50-9:40) - I have Applied Communications. There are three people in this class, including me. And this is a class where you give a lot of speeches. But, really it will be more like having a conversation (don't worry; I am not going all Emergent on you) than a speech. It is with people that I don't really know that well, despite being in the same grade as them. One person I have known since I was probably five or six, but we don't really hang out in the same circles if you will, but he is still nice. The teacher of this class had my brother last year and really liked him, so today I made sure to point out how I am not my brother. My brother is great and all, but I am nothing like him, so no one should expect me to be.

2nd hour (9:43-10:33) - On Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays I have Journalism. Which, pretty much all we do is work on the yearbook. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have P.E. with I loathe, with every fiber in my being. I don't care how bad this sounds: I hate physical activity. I am really hoping that I can find someone who will go for a "walk" with me... to the Coffee Bean. You know, 'cause I am a senior and that is how I roll. Hopefully it will get better with time.

3rd hour (10:36-11:26) - P.O.D. or Problems of Democracy. Which is like, government and what not. It is with a good teacher and people I can stand, so it should be good. I would have more to say, but it has been a long day.

4th hour (11:30-12:20) - At Trinity Bible College, I am taking a duel enrollment class (Intro to Biology) and I haven't started it yet, but it is with the same teacher that I took English at the college with, so it should be fun. I am looking forward to it, except that I don't really like any sort of science, but I have heard that I don't get graded if I don't show up for dissecting, which is gross anyway.

Lunch - Cause you know, I gotta eat.

5th hour (12:54-1:44) - Senior Math, because I am stupid and want myself to take a hard class that I will probably have to work hard in to even get by. But, I will take credit here and say that I totally came up with the "Math is like a group of mosquitoes. It's everywhere you go and sometimes it bites." I am creative. Ha, ha. Just thought I would let you know in case you were running out of reasons to call me awesome.

6th hour (1:47-2:37) - Study hall. I am the only senior. Enough said. Actually, more people joined the study hall today, because the world hates me. And a junior was like, "I want to sit by my friend." And I was like, "You are in study hall, you aren't here to be with your friends." Then I realized that I am a total nerd.

7th hour (2:30-3:20) - I think those are the times. It is at the college again. This time it is English Literature. And if the teacher calls me "The Kid" I will want to punch him in the nose, even if he is a cute little short man. The Kid and Kiddo are the nicknames I hate the most. If you call me them, I will get violent. And if you don't believe that, don't try to press your luck or I will... press your head against a concrete wall. I am just kidding of course. I am, after all, flippant. And I do say all this out of love. So, English Lit. Yeah, I don't really like reading that much. My mother told me to stop telling people that. Too bad. I just told the world wide web and the three people that are the only ones who actually read my blog.

That, my dear readers, in my school day.

Of course, I also work most days from 5-8. So, there is my day.

You do get ten points for reading all this, by the way. Of course, the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like the rumors that Drew Carey exercises.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

First Day, but Last First Day

I have study hall in the computer lab this year. Which is good, I guess, because then I always get a computer if I need one. Of course, the downside is that I am the only senior in this class, so I am surrounded by annoying lowerclassman that won't shut up. Not only that, but I don't start my college classes until next week, so after this class, I have nothing to do but go home. And I don't really want to go home, because it has been good seeing all of my friends again. And I am a senior, which is always pretty fun, because like I am the upperclassman. I am pretty much amazing. But as far as changes go, school is the same and completely boring. We have two new teachers in our school, but I don't have either of them for any classes, so it doesn't really affect me at all. I did, however, meet the new music teacher, because I was killing time during 4th hour (I don't have anything to do until the 27th when the college starts). I currently have no homework, which makes a study hall kinda pointless.

The immaturity of sophomores (oh, I guess they really are sophomores now) amazes me. Like, is it really entertaining to play a game where you are Obama punching McCain (unless that is Bush, it is probably Bush, but that doesn't make it any better)? Honestly, isn't there anything better you can do with your time?

As far as my first day has been going, it hasn't been that bad. All of my classes aren't exciting and nothing has been new or unexpected. I have only been having first days of school for like, 13 years now, so I think I am finally used to it. Of course, it is my last first day of high school, so I am getting used to it for nothing. In a year, everything will be new and unexpected. In a year, I don't ever have to be here again. In a year, I will be done with high school. I can't wait for a year. I am counting down. 1 day down. 179 to go.

Like Summer Break is Gone

Today is my last first day of high school. (How many times will I point that out today?) I am finally a senior. When I was little, I thought this day would never come. I would say that this summer went fast, but it didn't go super flow and it didn't go super slow. It was a good summer for the most part. I got a chance to go to South Africa and Swaziland. I finally got a job that I don't completely hate (I only partly hate it, like when there is pureed hot dog). I had fun this summer.

I always thought I would be older and taller (and cooler) by the time I was a senior. But, the day is here and I am still 17 and 5'4" and everyone knows that I am not remotely cool. However, when I think about it, I mean, really think about it, I have changed a lot through the years. I may not always be confident, but I am more confident than I was when I started my freshman year of high school and way more confident than when I started my 7th grade year. I am finally a senior. This is it, this is my last year of high school.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Don't Pick Your Calling

"The less plans you have, the more open you can be to God. If I were called suddenly to something it would be harder for me, because I would have to get over myself and my plans, but if you are planless then that's one less hurdle, and you still have a whole year. Don't you think God will get around to you in a year? ...Don't not do what you are supposed to just [because] you don't think you will be good at it. The worse you are the more you'll be able to see God instead of leaning on yourself. But if you don't feel like that's what you are supposed to do, then don't. But don't try to pick your calling." -Josh Stevens

That's why I have friends like Josh Stevens, because they give the best advice. And I can quote him, because they were texts that are still in my inbox.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

I Have No Idea

I realized a couple things recently.

Odd things.
I was standing in the kitchen and my father was sitting on the stairs petting my kitten.
My father is a complete stranger.
And I don't have any desire to get to know him.
Because from what I do now, he is a jerk.
He doesn't understand that we have bills and no money.
He doesn't seem to care.
I know nothing about him.
I was sitting in the living room talking to my mother.
I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I thought I did. I always thought I knew.
Go to MNU. Major in Youth and Family Ministry.
I no longer feel confident in all decisions.
I am a senior in high school and I have doubts.
I don't really like MNU's campus.
I don't know what area of ministry I want to be in.
I don't want to be a pastor of a church.
I want to write.
That's the only thing I know for sure.
I want to write.
And you know what?

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I have no idea what the future holds.

Eight for Eight

It was very impressive. That's going down in history for sure and I watched it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Still Here

I have a kitten that is currently sleeping on my legs. So, hopefully she doesn't get too comfy since I have to get up soon and hang up my laundry. I need to get back into the habit of blogging again. I promise I will eventually, I will just work blogging into getting back into my school morning routine. So, anyway, I work today. Actually, my next day off is Monday, so I work until then. Then I work Tuesday until Friday, then I don't work Saturday or Sunday and then I work Monday through Wednesday and that is as far as I know. And I am sure you care. But, you know, if you plan on stalking me any time in the future, that's when I work. Just to make it easier for you.

Anyway, it is almost 11, so I should get done.

Now Olive is just staring at me with her big, black eyes. She is too adorable for words.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

At Least I Get New Pens

I'm going to the dentist today. I'm also getting school supplies tonight. I don't really care about the dentist, but ever since I was little, I hated going to school, but I loved shopping for school supplies. There is just something about the smell of new notebooks and the thought of opening a new package of pens that makes me very happy inside. The thought of going back to school in one week is very depressing, but I am all for getting school supplies.

Of course, since my brother is going to college, it will be the first day ever that I go on the first day of school all by myself. That's what happens when your brother is 23 months older and in the grade ahead of you. I am a senior, so it isn't like I need someone to like protect me in school or anything, but still. It is just that things will never be the same again. Everything will be completely different from here on out. My brother isn't going to college far away, only like 40 minutes away, actually, but in a year (if the plans doesn't change in a year), I will be going like 8 hours or so away.

Perhaps I am starting to sound like a broken record. So, I will stop.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I Have the Cutest Kitten

Getting Back to the Daily Grind

So, on Sunday I drove to Minot. It was actually the first time I had ever driven four hours all by myself. I turned wrong like twice, but luckily, Trevor answers his phone, so he helped me out, even though I am sure I was sounding crazy on the phone. And somehow, I got on the right road, so it all worked out. And I am confident in myself that I could drive to Minot again. There were many times I was wondering why I was doing this by myself, but it worked out. I learned that there is a difference between an interstate and a divided highway. But, I'm 17, so it is about time that I take a four hour trip by myself... or something like that. Anyway, I went to Minot to pick up my mom because she was in Canada and I got to see some people in Minot. It was good seeing people. I went to the evening church service in Minot and went to see the new Mummy movie with Josh and Josh. (Yes, there are two Josh-s. Ha, ha.) It was fun. I like Minot.

So, while my mom was gone, I had to get up early to take Kyle to work, plus I had to wake up to feed Olive, so I got used to waking up at like 6:00. Of course, this morning, I woke up at a very late 9:00. Hopefully this doesn't mean this will be my new schedule. After all, school starts in 8 days... so I need to not wake up late like that anymore. Of course, I enjoy sleep, so, who knows?

Anyway, I guess that means that I have to just get used to working. Apparently, I work 11 days out of the next 14 day pay period. Which is fun. I miss youth group already.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Stepping Forward: Stepping Up

"Stepping up means stepping forward."

I am a senior in high school. I have thought about the time when I would be a senior throughout all of my school years. I thought I would be taller and cooler than I am now, but I am finally a senior. I will proudly and loudly say, "S-E-N-I-O-R-S, seniors, seniors are the best!" I am pretty excited to finally be a senior. May 24, 2009 I will be graduating. May 21, 2009 is my last day of high school forever. But, what does that mean?

Thinking that this is my last year of high school means so much more than in a year, I won't have to go to high school anymore. It means that this is it. This is my last year of walking the hallways as a student. This is my last year to live out what I believe in my school. How do I want to spend my last year?

I don't want to make homecoming court. And I know I won't be an all-star in any sport (because to do that, you'd actually have to play sports). I don't want to be the most popular. I don't even care if everyone knows my name. But, I am the president of the FCA chapter in my school. Many times, there hasn't been any effort put into FCA. There have been meetings here and there, with the most of ten people showing up, but usually the average of four or five people coming. I admit that I dropped the ball. I am really the one who didn't put effort into it. (Don't ask why I am the president if I don't really care about sports, because that is totally besides the point.) This is the last year I have to really make an impact in my school.

I love Peach Sunkist and it will forever make people think of me. However, I want people to think of how I spread the love of Jesus to my school.

Hey, It's Free

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Life as I Know It

Since I was out of the country for a little while (I was in Africa), I have sort of gotten out of my habit to blog every day. I should get back into that habit, because I like blogging. I'm sure you like it when I blog, too. You better. And really, how could you not? However, this may not be a completely happy post, because I don't feel very happy. And it's not that I feel sad or mad really, I just feel like I am existing. And nothing really more.

I start school in 14 days. On the bright side, it will be my last first day of high school. I am finally a senior and as exciting as that is, I do just want to be done with school. I don't really enjoy starting school, because it means that I have to get used to a different routine. Not that I really have much of a routine in the summer, but it is probably just weird to just get used to a routine again. I will only be at the high school five periods out of the day. I have two classes that I am taking at the college. Plus, next semester, I probably won't stay at the school during my study hall hour, because I better be getting senior privileges. I am kind of just over the all the drama in my class. You see, there are way too many girls in my class that just don't get along all the time. I am just so over it. So, there's school. In 14 days.

I started working at the nursing home as a dietary aid. I think that's the title. It is in dietary, so I am in the kitchen from 5-8 in the evening. I needed a job. I was really wasting my summer not working. It's almost the end of the summer, but still. I work tonight, actually. And tonight might be really important, because it just might be the last day that I am being trained for the number 6 position. So, I have to really, really pay attention. I work Thursday, also. And then I don't know for sure when else I work. I'm currently listening to "Don't Waste Your Job" and it is making me think.

My mother is in Canada right now. After my brother leaves for work, it is a little lonely and boring at my house. Yes, even with three pets in the house. I didn't work yesterday, so I spent yesterday at home. Bored and lonely. Maybe I feel more lonely than depressed. Actually, I really just feel sort of empty. Like I am just getting through the day, like it's my only goal. I feel like crying most of the time. I'm sure I will breakdown soon. I know that's not happy, so I am trying to stay as busy as I can so I don't really think too much. I know, this last paragraph seems depressing. But, it's the truth. So, here is a picture of my kitten, so make everything happier:

Some Pictures from Africa

My host family that allowed me to stay in my home.
Grave of a Nazarene missionary who really started the work in Swaziland.
We went to a game reserve and saw some animals. This is a giraffe.
This is the Indian Ocean on a rainy day.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Journal Entries - July 20th to the 31st

Click each one to view clearer. And these were my thoughts, my journal entries. I don't promise I am that deep or anything.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

New Job

I start a new job today. It's been like oh, over a year since I have started a new job. On the bright side, it's good that I finally got a job this summer and it's good that the hours should work pretty good with school. However, I always get really nervous before I start a new job, because I never really know what to expect ...or where to park. At least I have friends who work there, so it's not like I have no idea, at least I have some what kinda of an idea of what goes down. And I am also not the only one starting there, so there is at least a couple other people who are just as clueless as I am. But, I am still nervous. I am still kinda freaking out. And to make matters worse, my mom isn't here to remind me to smile and be happy and be myself because people love me. Ha, ha. My mom decided of all weeks to go to Canada only like four (or five, whatever Thursday was from now) days after I come back from Africa. So, I miss my mother and want her to tell me that everything will be fine. Alright, I am done being a baby. For now, probably, but still.

I also do promise that I will get my journal entries that I wrote while I was gone up here, but my computer is being stupid and so it will have to wait. I do work 8-1 and 5-8 today. So, deal with it. Learn patience.

I Miss the Ocean

I miss the ocean. I miss Africa. I would be okay with going back again... like tomorrow. Ha, ha.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


I just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the prayers and support while I was in South Africa. I appreciate it so much you can't even imagine. God kept me safe and while I wasn't ever even close to being in danger, I know that your prayers helped me stay safe and what not.

So, thank you. Thank you so much.