Monday, December 31, 2007

Goodbye 2007

Here's some things that happened in 2007, however, in no real order, just more in order of what I remember:

  • I turned 16 on June 16th (Sweet sixteen and golden birthday; even though it was not very exciting, it came and went and now it's gone)
  • I went to St. Louis for the Nazarene Youth Convention
  • I went to prom with Bradley
  • I spoke in church a couple times in the evening
  • I got my Local Minister's License
  • I finished my sophomore year and started my junior year in high school
  • I went to a Kutless/Newsboys concert
  • I worked in the grocery store/Southside in the summer
  • I started bowling on league on Thursday nights (whenever I can now, though, because of basketball games on Thursday)
  • I, along with the basketball team, got snowed in Ashley and had to spend the night in the Ashley gym
  • I got elected for my third year on the youth board
  • I spoke at AfterShock '07 without any notes or real preparation
  • I fainted in the shower and had to go to the ER and get staples in my head (and the hole in the bathroom wall is still there, whoops)
  • I learned how to order at Subway all by myself (without Trevor working and what not)
  • I went to camp and cried, learned, and have fun
  • I learned it's a bad idea to fall asleep outside and get your knees sunburned
  • I learned all over that life goes on
  • On March 5, 2007, I forgave my father
  • I served at the Community Christmas dinner
  • I helped with a can drive
  • I rejoined quizzing
  • I learned a lot about myself and though I can't really see it, I grew up a little more
  • I had fun and enjoyed 2007
"Trust, why is our trust faded?
Jesus says to trade them
Trade our scars for his promises
So give him all your love this time
And give him everything you are this time
You’ve never been so lucky
To have a friend like Jesus
Wait, how long will you wait here?
Your life longs for a new year
Your healing must begin somewhere
Everything you could ever want
Is right before you
He is close to your broken heart
You’re right where you should be"
-This Beautiful Republic, New Year

Bring on 2008...

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Movies and Alfred

"It's not the end
The end of the world
It's just another day
Depending on grace
It's not the end
The end of the world
It's just another day
Don't sleep it all away"
-Matthew West, The End

I should stop posting when it's late. It's almost tomorrow. I don't know if I want it to be tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of 2007. That's down right scary, isn't it? I should learn to handle change and the future better. I really should.

My mom and I just got done watching two Alfred Hitchcock movies, Stage Freight and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and they were both pretty good. Mr. and Mrs. Smith is nothing like the new one, like at all, not that I've seen the new one, but my mother has and she says they are nothing like each other. I like spending time with my mother. It's weird how much shorter the credits are for movies back in the day. I like Alfred Hitchcock movies. They are good. I like black and white. It's classic-er or something. I like movies. Although, ever since Mrs. Foote made us do that movie unit in English, I can't watch movies anymore without thinking about camera angles and reaction shots, it's like I can't just watch a movie anymore, I start to think about the meanings behind everything. It's ruined my movie watching abilities. I'm not even kidding you. I used to be able to watch a movie and then I would walk away with the enjoyment of a movie. But now, I think about how the camera looked down at the actors creating vulnerability. Or like I would start thinking, "man, that's a nice reaction shot." Of course, after watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I was just really thinking that the wife was a little nutty, okay, not just a little. A whole lot of nutty. A fruitcake, like my mother said.

I am trying to get this post done so it still has today's date. Ha, ha. I suppose then I should stop typing. I don't really have much more to say that wouldn't just be completely random. Well, I suppose I have two random things I could end with:

1. Which came first, the incense or the old man smell? (That's really from a conversation Trevor and I had a little while ago.)

2. It's not nice to make fun of a person who combines slanted and ramp and says, "slamp." It's just not nice. It's not how you make friends.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Becoming Who I Am

Friday night I worked at the bowling alley. Dick left a wrench on the table that I could totally have used for protecting myself in case someone came in to attack me. However, my reflexes are awful and so every time my friend said someone was coming in, I didn't grab for the wrench right away. Ha, ha. Anyway, a friend came to visit me. Not to bowl, although I was told that I could still bowl if I wanted, but I left my shoes in my car, but just for a visit. It reminded me that this friend, despite not always getting along, and even though he's only in Aberdeen for college, we don't always talk much, but we still get along pretty well and are still friends. Anyway, this friend made me think. Trust is an important thing. People need to be trusted, and even if we start out neutral with everyone we meet, there's no reason to not trust them right away.

He also told me that I'm too forgiving. But, living and forgiving must go hand and hand. In growing up, I've learned that people will always hurt you. Maybe that's too cynical, but friends, family, strangers, anyone in your life will hurt you one time or another, whether it's something big and important or not. You'll get hurt. That's why if you never forgive people, then you will spent your life lonely because you don't forgive anyone and you'll push them all away. Honestly, I have yet to be able to not forgive someone. Seriously, I've forgiven my father. I didn't think I would ever be able to do that. But, Jesus forgave my sins. I think I can at least forgive others. (See Ephesians 4:32 which says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.")

"We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too"
-Relient K, Forgiven

As for today, I went to Minot for a quiz. I didn't do too well. I'm told I shouldn't go into it already thinking I've been defeated. Which is totally what I did. I don't know why. The only times I got any questions was when I didn't start out thinking I wouldn't get anything. Did that makes sense? Ha, ha. It made sense to me. I mean, I know quizzing isn't about the points, but it's like I told my mom. I want to do quizzing this year. (I quit last year in December, it's like I told Brad, I'm a bad quitter, I rejoin after I've quit.) I love Philippians, but I need an attitude change. I love having all the past verses I've memorized in my head, and I want to get excited about the Word. I want to get to the point where I am yearning to learn more, to the point where without the Word, I'm hungry for it. I'm not there yet, but that's where I want to be.

"I keep on learning the hard way from every mistake
and I’m finding each time that you fall, you’re just becoming who you are"
-Mainstay, Become Who You Are

I'm still becoming who I am. Who I am as a person and who I am as a believer in Christ. However, one thing I do think about life:

"I’m Sunny with a high of 75
Since you took my heavy heart
And made it light
And its funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you’re happy to be alive"
-Relient K, High of 75

Friday, December 28, 2007

It's Late

"Jesus says to trade them
Trade our scars for his promises"
-This Beautiful Republic, New Year

Without even meaning to, I have made two situations very ironic. I didn't mean to. I mean, sure, it makes life more funny whenever irony is around, but I did not realize I was inviting the irony into my life.

Other than that, Christmas lasted a little bit longer than expected. I received an unexpected present from a friend. That's really more my brother's friend/family friend, but still a friend nonetheless. It was uber nice and unexpected, but welcomed still. Actually, I felt bad that I had nothing to give in return of this basket of gifts galore. My mother told me not to feel bad, because this gift was intended to bring joy. I am very happy and grateful. And not just because I got a present, but also because I know this person and this person is in my life.

It's late and I don't know why I am still up. I should go to bed. Actually, I am going to go to bed, but I thought I should post a little somethin' somethin' before I hit the hay. Not that I have much to say, actually, you will probably find this blog not very witty (even if at times I wish very much that I could be), it's just me. This is my life. So, I will continue to tell you that it's late, I'm tired and I should go to bed. Ha, ha. Actually, you can only say that so many times because it's redundant and repetitive. It's redundant and repetitive.

P.S. I got a wishbone in the mail. Jealous?

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Boxing Day (Christmas is Over)

"Take it all down
Christmas is over
Do not despair but rather be glad
We had a good year. Now let's have another
Remembering all the good times that we had
Oh no more lights glistening
No more carols to sing
But Christmas it makes way for spring
The hearts of men are bitter and weathered
As cold as the snow that falls from above
But just for one day we all come together
We showed the whole world that we know how to love
Oh remember that Christmas it makes way for spring"
-Relient K, Boxing Day

My mother and I went to Aberdeen today. Not to return anything, though, my mother doesn't like it when people return things the day after Christmas. Actually, I am also inherited my mother's opinion that you should always be grateful for any gift you receive and you should never return them. Maybe that's why white elephant gifts are so appealingly fun? Anyway, we went to Aberdeen and got mostly red on sale Christmas stuff that we can use for the Valentine's Banquet (I am going to be extra prepared this year, well, next year) and I got a couple things thanks to the wonderful use of gift cards.

On our way up to Aberdeen, it was super foggy. I do not at all like fog. It was think fog that made it hard to see the cars coming until they were right beside you. My mom said, "The sun isn't strong enough to get rid of the fog." It was funny, because I have always thought that fog was an amazing illustration about trusting God even when we can't see the next few feet in front of us. Because you know what? The sun isn't always strong enough, but man, the Son sure is always strong enough to help us through even when we don't know what the next step will be.

As for Christmas being over, it's weird. It means a new year is quickly approaching. And I know what this new year will bring: changes. Maybe not all at once, but I know 2008 will be a year of a lot of changes. My brother is going to graduate. I will start my senior year. I will be going to Africa for crying out loud. This year is going to be crazy. But in a good way. I know I should look at it more like this will be the year where God will teach and show me amazing new things. But I don't like change, I don't know if I am ready for all the changes 2008 will bring. I don't know if I want to celebrate New Year's Eve when it comes. I know I can't avoid it, but it's going to be hard to celebrate changes. I tell you what, I better not be by myself New Year's Eve or I will probably be bringing in the new year crying my eyes out. Ha, ha. I sound pathetic. I am going to try to end on a positive note. (More than just, hey, at least I'm being honest with you.) 2008, I will let God take me to places I'm afraid of. God is with me no matter what. I know God has a plan and I want 2008 to be the year where I am at the center of God's will for my life. God is in control. God is in control of my life, 2008, and my future. God will take me exactly where He wants me to go. Good or bad, bring it on.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Today arrived. Christmas once more. You know, when you know the real reason for Christmas and you are celebrating Jesus's birth, Christmas isn't a letdown after you've opened all the presents. Isn't that amazing? I love Christmas. I got done serving at the Community Christmas dinner and it was once again quite fun. I didn't eat squash this year, because I'm smarter now.

Merry Christmas, everyone!
"And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me"
-Relient K, I Celebrate the Day
P.S. This was my present from my brother. I love penguins, brothers, and inside jokes.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Year of the Grain of Salt

To “take something with a grain of salt” is to view a statement with a skeptical attitude. (The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition.)

In common parlance, if something is to be taken with a grain of salt, it means that a measure of healthy skepticism should be applied regarding a claim; that it should not be blindly accepted and believed without any doubt or reservation. According to the Oxford English Dictionary "to take 'it' with a grain of salt" means "to accept a thing less than fully". (Wikipedia)
So, I've decided that 2008 will be the year (as if I haven't been before, which I have already been, but still) that everything that I see, hear, or read I will take with a grain of salt. Like, I really enjoy Relevant Magazine, but am a little hesitant when I received the magazine to see Rob Bell on the cover. I don't know. I don't want to stop reading all together, because I love some articles on the Relevant Magazine site and I love the podcast that they have. I don't know. Some things today aren't all the great, but I don't want to stop reading and being informed. That being said, here's some things I'm looking forward to their coming out in 2008:

Why We’re Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be)
by Kevin DeYoung, Ted Kluck
Sanctus Real We Need Each Other - February 12th
Leeland Opposite Way - February 26th
Anberlin untitled [Universal] -- Summer
There will be more, I'm sure.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Squeezed for Jesus (and Windmills)

"And so when the words we sing are gone
God's blessing continues on
We laugh and compliment this
Merry Christmas"
-Relient K, We Wish You a Merry Christmas

You know what, this year has been a lot of things. I'm so grateful that I am right here. Because I know that I am right where God wants me. I received my local minister's license this morning in church. I invited my dad to church and he came. I thanked him for coming and wondered how long since the last time my father has been inside a church. I don't think this has really changed much of anything. But maybe I'm the only way my father will ever go inside a church again. That's a weird thought.

Other than that, Christmas season is so wonderful. There's something so happy and glowing. That's a silly way to describe it. I just love Christmas. Tonight a couple people shared what this year has meant. God has blessed me so much this year. 2007 has been a good year. Best year yet? Well, I have a feeling the best year yet has yet to come.

As far as something else goes, I will choose to select the good memories. There's no use to remember the bad. So, I will choose to remember the time where I had a complete break down and you were there, to listen and to tell me that I'm not ugly when I cry (even though I know I am horribly ugly when I cry). There's many more, I'm sure. But, I don't need to explain them all.

Here's something I never knew before: Bowling balls don't come with the holes in them, they need to have holes drilled in them. Isn't it sad that I didn't knew that, considering I work in a bowling alley? Anyway, I found this out last night and I was happy to know it. Ha, ha. It was an amazing piece of information. Insight, if you will.

My cat decided that she wants to sit on my lap, so she's making typing this post very difficult, considering my laptop is already on my lap. She's trying to learn how to use the keyboard. I'm not kidding. One word ended up in all caps and bolded. I love my cat. She decided to sleep on my wrist.

"So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home"
-Relient K, Merry Christmas Here's to Many More

Isn't it good to be home?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Deadly Sprinkles

Here's a story of a family
Who was busy making Christmas cook-ies
They all had yummy sprinkles
Until the one day when the daugh-ter realized (do-do)
That all this time they'd been using sprinkles (do-do)
with acetic acid and silver
And all this time it said Non-Edible
If they only--knew (dada-dada)
That this time these sprinkles could have been kill--ing us
The deadly sprinkles (dada-dada)
The deadly sprinkles (dada-dada)
And that's the way we all died of deadly sprinkles (dada-dada)

That is sung to the tune of the Brady Bunch. (Use your imagination.) Now, if only this were just a catchy new song. But, alas, it is not. My mother and I made cookies today, only to find that sprinkles we'd been using and eating for pretty much my whole entire life were, indeed, non-edible. See for yourself:

For What It's Worth

I'm taking it in
I'm holding it back
I'm filling my lungs with a knife in my back
-Amber Pacific, For What It's Worth

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Puppies and Nonvictorious Victories

Romans 8
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

A friend of mine sent me a text that was these verses (in essence, but still these verses). It was out of the blue. I wasn't expecting it, but it was something that I think I needed to hear. I told him thank you, that's something I needed to hear and he said, "I thought you might." I asked why and he said, "because the thought came into my head and it seemed like the right thing to do." (Side note: this is why verse quizzers rock hardcore, because they can recall verses and randomly text people whenever the thought comes into their head and it seems like the right thing to do. This friend was a verse quizzer, that's why they rock.) Anyway, I thank God for my friend, because he is a very godly young man. Our friendship has had some not so fun things, but we are still friends and I still value our friendship very much. He doesn't read this probably, but I would be sad if he was not in my life.

I bowled tonight. We lost all four. We did not regain our victory. Sad day. I did good the first game and then the other two were below my average. But, it was still fun to be in the bowling alley. I hadn't bowled in a while, so that will be my scapegoat for doing bad. Ha, ha. Anyway, the really weird thing of tonight was I was just standing there and Trevor came in and I was still just standing there, looking at Trevor and he was like, "You're like a puppy." He never explained to me why, but I think that is because he did not have a good reason for calling me a puppy. At least it was nicer than when someone told me that some dogs are prettier than I am. I don't understand. Oh, well. People like puppies, right? So maybe it's a compliment. Ha, ha. That's what I'm going with.

Romans 8
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

God has this amazing way of being me back to Him whenever I have something else on my mind, whenever I have troubles or anything. God is good. God is amazing. I wish I could find a word more adequate than amazing. Life with God is a victorious life.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I Love Christmas Parties

There's a fly in my lamp. It must be confused, because I think it keeps trying to land on the light bulb and then after it realizes the light bulb is too hot, it flies away, but can't get out of my lamp... then the process starts all over again. Stupid winter flies. I do not like flies.

We had our youth group Christmas party tonight. I enjoyed it. We ate. We opened white elephant gifts. I got a N*SYNC Christmas CD and a groovy beyond belief patriotic baseball hat (which, if anyone wants it, just tell me, I will give it to you). I gave a can of Spam. Trevor didn't appreciate it enough. Ha, ha. It's okay, I don't like Spam, so it's okay if he doesn't like it that much either. Ha, ha. We also played Scene It, and I had a lot of fun. It's funny playing with Krista's parents. It was a lot of fun, and more so when you got to yell "Whoo!" after getting a question right. Yay for Christmas parties.

Tomorrow I don't have to go to school until about 10:30, because this is semester week and it's block scheduling. Then, I can leave right after that test. It's nice. Plus, tomorrow I get to bowl on league, which is a rare occurrence during basketball season. Normally, Thursdays are my least favorite day of the week, but tomorrow seems like it will be a pretty good day.

If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember: The end will justify the pain it took to get us there
And I’ll let it be know
At times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me
There is strength
-Relient K, Let It Out

Time to let this go you never had control
Look back home weary soul
Recall the times of old to face the new
Your faith will overcome
We can look back to when He was there for us
-Wavorly, Twenty Twenty

This is Me

It's a good thing I haven't put makeup on yet, because I am about to cry. I don't really know what to say. Apparently whatever I said before, led to something else, so I kind of just want to quit. But, I'm told quitting is bad. So, I will continue. Perhaps I'm too open on my blogs. But I look at like Joshua Longbrake just said on his blog:

If you want to know yourself, let others know you. Let them know the good, the bad, the incredibly misshapen and ugly parts that embarrass you. Let them see your scars and wounds, and let them reexamine those wounds, which will be painful. Let them know your hopes and where your hopes have been killed. Allow them to hear the dreams you had of saving the world when you were a child. Let them speak into your life, and find people that will value your voice and will let you speak into their lives as well.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Already Read It

I wanted to tell Trevor a story yesterday, but he was like, "Nah, I already read it." My blog is taking my stories, and it's a shame, because I have mad story telling skills.

So, instead of a story, here's some stuff other people have said:

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls, and looks like work.— Thomas A. Edison

For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step. — Thomas a Kempis

He prays well who is so absorbed with God that he does not know he is praying. — Francois de Sales

Monday, December 17, 2007

Forward Motion and Feeling Like Santa

"I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds"
-Relient K, Forward Motion

I'm nervous. I don't know what to do. Like I mentioned before, I am getting my local minister's license on Sunday. Now for some reason my mom told my father this. I suppose she asked him if he would be there. He actually said he would come, but he doesn't know if I want him there. I probably could call him and say that he could come if he's in town. It would just be so weird. I mean I've forgiven my father and I've gotten to this point of apathy (which perhaps to numb pain and not get hurt again, or perhaps, like I think, that's what happens when to put it like Relient K in The Apathetic Way to Be, " Yeah, I’m not angry and no I’m not upset/It’s taken me a while, but this is what I’ve learned/Emotional attachment is really not a threat/When I’m simply not concerned.") I just don't know how to involve my dad in my life. It's so weird when he's kind of like a stranger. I don't know what to do. He's my father. He's admitted to my mom that he thinks he's a failure. But, as much as I hate this expression, the ball is in my court. Actually, it's more like up in the air, but I have a chance to reach out my arm and catch it. I guess let's just see if I catch this figurative ball as well I catch a literal one.

Other than that, today I helped wrap and organize presents for the Kedish house. It's really cool. I mean, we gathered all the presents for each of the families and children and sorted it out and removed the tags that said what was inside (since what kind of surprise would that be). All the presents said, "To: so and so, From: Santa." Looking at the room filled with presents and then taking them out to her car, I must admit, it felt like Santa. I'm so glad that Kedish house puts those gift trees up. I'm sure everyone is so happy to be able to open something on Christmas morning. Plus, people donate some pretty nice stuff. I had no idea who any of the families were, and I'm sure the families like it that way, but I just love helping out. My mom and I almost forgot to sign our volunteer hours thing (which I would do even if I didn't get volunteers hours). I love Christmas. I can't wait to serve at the Community Christmas Dinner.

Also, my youth group picked up bags around town for the Community Wide Can Drive. Which, people kept telling me to not get my hopes up. I'm sick of people telling me that. My mom however made sure to give me don't-get-your-hopes-up speech without saying don't get your hopes up. She told me that, "even if you only get what is in the church, it's more than you had before." We are also donating that food to Kedish house. It's just a wonderful time of year, isn't it?

"I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life"
-Relient K, I Celebrate the Day

Learning to Give

"I'll give give give until there's nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I'll have no regrets [...]
So I'll offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else"
-Relient K, Give

After school today, I am going to Kedish house to help wrap presents. At a quarter to seven today, we are driving around and picking up stuff for a canned food drive.

I don't really know how to give. I don't really know how to give of myself. I don't really know how to give my all. I don't really know how to give until there's nothing left. I want to learn how to give of myself, give my all, give until there's nothing left. I want to give of myself this Christmas.

God, teach me how to give.

Last Thing I Expected

Seeing as how 2007 is rapidly coming to an end, most people take some time to reflect on the past year. Usually I make a list of everything that I did that year. Perhaps I will again, but that's not what I'm doing here. I never really expected I would be right here.

I never expected that I wouldn't be excited for the 16th birthday. (Which was June 16th.) It came and went and that's pretty much all there is to say. I learned a lesson, though, if you have the chance to spend your actual birthday with your friends or your family, I (no offense to my friends, because my birthday was alright) would pick my family. My 16th birthday was not at all like I imagined it would be. It was the birthday I looked forward to ever since I was like six. Now I'm 16. And it doesn't seem to matter at all. My 17th birthday will more than likely be spent in South Africa next year.

Speaking of Africa, the last thing I expected is being allowed to go. But here I am, I have my passport ready and meningitis shot already injected into my left arm. I am far from actually being ready, though. I need to write more sermons, and tweak my old sermons. Pastor talked to my mom and changed her mind. Actually, another thing that changed her mind was that she knew I'd be kept safe with the people I'm going with. (Actually, a friend of mine, Cole's family, going helped my mom agree to let me go, because she knows that they won't let me die.)

Another last thing I expected was that I'd still be single. Ha, ha. Doesn't that make me sound full of myself? However, let me explain, I have seemed to (whether I was looking or not) always have a guy (/almost boyfriend) in my life. I never valued my singleness. Besides I fact that I don't really think people need to date in high school (which I still thought even when I was in relationships). I don't want to say that this has anything to do with it, but a certain comment someone said about me kinda has stuck with me. "Annie just has a bunch of guys because she's trying to fill the hole from her father." That made me angry and isn't true at all, but I can't get it out of my head. Of course that person also said other things about me and called me things I'd rather not repeat. I am being honest when I am saying that I know God wants me to be single right now. Like I can feel it and I have no doubts about it. Even though I feel like that now, I started out the school year thinking that as soon as I am content with being single, a guy would come along and then I wouldn't have to be single. No such luck. So, I'm learning to be joyful and content.

Now, I never expected that the song Annie Waits by Ben Folds Five would be so fitting either. But, I listened to it over and over on the way up and back from Jamestown. "And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits/For a call/From a friend/The same/It's the same/Was it always the same?/Annie waits for the last time/The clock never stops, never stops, never waits/She's growing old/It's getting late/And so he forgot, he forgot/Maybe not/Maybe he's been seriously hurt/Would that be worse?/Headlights crest the hill/Shadows pass her by and out of sight/Annie sees her dreams:/Friday bingo, pigeons in the park/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie says "You see this is why I'd rather be alone."/Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits/For a call/From a friend/The same/It's the same/Was it always the same?/Annie waits as the last.../Headlights crest the hill/Who will be the one for evermore?/Annie, I could be/If we're both still lonely when we're old/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie waits/But not for me" (Annie Waits, Ben Folds Five). But that songs seems to be fitting. Maybe not that sad about being alone part, but about not waiting for that phone call anymore. I'm sad that this friend has become a stranger and calls when that person knows I'm at school and can't talk. But, I'm happy that this friend is happy and that his life is going on. I'm happy for that.

The last thing I expected is that I would be answering the phone when my dad calls (even if he only calls because my mom tells him to), I never thought I would have forgiven him. (Which I did, on March 5, 2007.) I am not saying my relationship with him is healed. And I still want my brother to walk me down the aisle for my wedding, because my brother was there for me all the times my dad wasn't. My brother was the man in the house when my dad wasn't. But, I said, "I forgive you, Dad," and he said, "Thank you," and then we talked about the weather. I never thought I would have done that.

The last thing I expected is that I would be getting my local Minister's License this Sunday. I know what I am going to wear. I never would have expected it though. I am happy I am getting it, even though it doesn't seem that big of deal. But, no, there's no age limit. So it's okay that I am only 16. Ha, ha. I know you were thinking that, weren't you? But, I will be standing there next Sunday getting it. And I will be wearing my black dress. Ha, ha.

Now, here's something that wasn't the last thing I expected: That Jesus is still enough, more than enough for me.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Gotta Love Kids

Snowglobe Boy!

With the motivation of “spreading holiday cheer,” Snowglobe Boy is trying set a new record for the longest amount of time spent inside of an inflatable snowglobe. You can even watch his adventure through web cams. The whole production is a PR stunt to raise awareness about an advertising agency. Go Snowglobe Boy, go!

Friday, December 14, 2007

I Miss Rain

I miss rain.

I don't particularly enjoy the snow. I don't really enjoy not being able to stop completely. It's like in the winter, stop signs become into sometimes opitional yield signs. If I try not to except just slowing down and try to really stop, I will end up lodged into the snowbank.

Speaking of winter driving, I have a very odd story about a mysterious tree. So, I was driving home from youth group and I turned into the road off the highway (you know the road) and there was this little bush tree thing that looked like it was just stuck in the snow. It was extremely close to the side of the road. I told this story to two people on the bus on the way to Jamestown and they started laughing and asked me if I wore the color purple. I didn't get it. However, I did notice that this tree is no longer there. I have no idea.

I love the rain. I do not, however, love random trees that no one will explain to me what's going on.

I have to go to Jamestown again today after school. Which is retarded because we don't play until 6:00. I kind of wonder why on earth I am doing stats. I am trying to remember enjoying it last year. I can't. The only thing I remember is at the end of the season thinking that I would never do this again. Why didn't I listen to that memory?

Here's a song that I would also like to do for a human video:

When She Cries
by Britt Nicole

Little girl terrified
She’d leave her room if only bruises would heal
A home is no place to hide
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels
Every day’s the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She’ll be just fine, because I know He hears her when she cries
Today she’s turning sixteen
Everyone singing, but she can’t seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?
She’s pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, “… maybe making me bleed will be the answer that could wash the slate clean”
This is the dark before the dawn
The storm before the peace
Don’t be afraid ‘cause seasons change and
God is watching over you
He hears you

Story Time!

So, I have two stories to tell. Pretty much now would be the time I would say, "Story time!" if I were really have a conversation with you, but since you and I am not really having a conversation, you will just have to use your imagination.

First story was Wednesday. I was talking to Jeremy and then he needed to use my phone, so Jeremy and I were the only ones left at church and we were both leaving. Walking outside, I noticed that a friend of my mine who happens to enjoy (for some odd reason) to put my windshield wipers up on my car. So there my windshield were once again sticking up. Jeremy said, "What about your hub caps?" Now my hub caps are very easily taken off and my friend knows this, but I responded, "No, he knows that would make me really mad." So, I open the door of my car and it's dark outside, so I just sit down. Then, I get up right away. I sat on something. I notice what it was and started laughing. Jeremy hears my laughing and asks what happened. "Well, I sat down without looking and I sat on something, and since we were just talking about, I thought it was my hub cap! Ha, ha. But, it wasn't. It was the tin thing that Trevor was giving me back because I made him 21 cupcakes for his birthday. Ha, ha. But I totally thought it was my hub cap." Ha, ha.

Then, yesterday, we went to Jamestown for the Stutsman County Tourney. We got there early enough to see pretty much the entire game before ours. Our basketball girls went to change at half time. So, Krista, Amanda, other people and I was sitting there still. I said to Amanda, "Man, this is a long half time!" Amanda kinda looks at me and says, "It's not half time anymore." It was not half time anymore, in fact, there was only 1 minute and 40 seconds left of the third quarter even. Amanda told me, "Annie, I'm not really sure you should be doing stats." Ha, ha.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Here I Come

Three Things You May Not Know About Me:

1. I haven't changed my calendar from November to December yet.

2. I am not that great at wrapping presents, but I sure love adding bows and ribbons.

3. I like Strawberry Newtons.

No More Kings - "Sweep the Leg"

You know for those Karate Kid fans out there. Don't even act like you didn't enjoy this.

Stop and Think

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I'm Feeling So Fly

It's been awhile.

I am missing my chance to enjoy Turkey Week because John is bowling and not me. I know, it's not Thanksgiving until next week. Here's something you must know: at the bowling alley, the week before Thanksgiving, if you bowl a turkey, you get a turkey. It's pretty much the greatest idea ever. If you don't bowl much, a turkey is getting three strikes in a row. Like I said... greatest idea ever.

Another thing I want to say is that I love toaster ovens. I really do. Maybe I sound like I am just slow in coming to this realization, but we just now bought a toaster oven since the toaster broke and decided not to get a new toaster. I think they are amazing. I had an odd obsession with toasters that randomly started when my friend asked me how to spell monopoly. I am a very random person.

I'm tired. Is it pathetic that I'm only 16 and the thought of going to sleep early makes me happy? I had a joke a while back with my friend that I tried to go to sleep before his grandmother did. It's not a joke anymore. I probably am going to sleep before a majority of elderly people. No offense to them or anything. But isn't this the time when I should be staying up late and sleep in? Forget the fact that I have an 8:00 college class tomorrow. Oh, well. It's a Thursday, what could there be to stay up for on a Thursday night? Maybe I have no life. In which case, aren't you glad you're reading my blog?

That's all for now. This is Annie... over and out.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Just Stuff

I'm in class right now and I only have about eight minutes left to type anything. But, I will stop looking at the clock because I just glanced at it like 4 times before I would type another word. So, my mom almost cried this morning while reading the newspaper article about the fires in California. You know, if I only had five minutes to grab whatever I could out of my house, I have no idea what I would take. My pets would obviously be first. My laptop maybe. I don't really have any photos in my room. I have no idea. It's weird to think about how everything we own will go away. I mean, I know that everything is just stuff. Pointless, un-needed stuff. Stuff that will go away. I love my stuff. Why? You've probably heard it before, that you can't take a U-Haul on the back of your hearse, but it's so true. People are the only thing you can take with you to heaven. So, where are you storing your treasures?

Back to the fires, my uncle lives in California and he is not too far from where the fires are burning. Scary. I don't know him that well, but I hope he's okay.

Friday, September 28, 2007


I work at a bowling alley. Not really a cool bowling alley. We don't have much for food. I live in a tiny town, so usually I'm the only one working. Not that this is at all a bad thing. Call me a nerd, but I happen to consider the bowling alley my third favorite place to be in my town (first being my house and second, church, again, I'm a nerd). I have my own bowling shoes. Which, by the way, are really from the bowling alley and are quite old, and even though many feet have been in them before mine, I proudly call them my own. I even bowl on league for the first time this year. Not that I'm at all good. My scores last Thursday were 91, 127, and 115. I know, I don't know what my problem is with that first game. I should have taken a practice throw... anyway, I just wanted to say, that right now, I'm working at the bowling alley.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Homecoming. I almost don't even want to get into it. It's halfway through the day, Friday, the last day of the homecoming week madness. I really do want to quit. Let me tell you why:

1.) I don't have anyone's jersey. It's like a tradition not to be wreckened with. You find a guy's jersey and wear it. Usually it's like a guy you like's or your boyfriend's, if you are lucky. I was lucky my freshman year. I not only got a senior's, but he was good at football (not this fact mattered to me), he was also the guy I liked and about a week or so later, we started going out. Brace yourself, I'm about to make a reference to The Hills, that guy was like Jason to my Lauren. But that's a topic for another time. I don't have anyone's jersey today. I know in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't matter. Yet it makes me sad nonetheless.

2.) Bonfires are fun. I've always enjoyed them before. However, last night, I was saying how I enjoyed bonfires. Our youth group is having a bonfire after the game for those who are either youth group groupies (like me) or the people who hate dances and instead love s'mores. While, I love s'mores. My friend pointed out, "Ah, youth group bonfires, people always hold hands." I will ignore the fact that their next statement was, "I know someone who if you call might come." Whatever, that was a jerky response, since it was an insult. However, it might me realize that I'm alone. I know, I'm in high school and I don't need a boyfriend. However, all my friends seem to have found someone. I know, I'm a loser. I'm still in the process of getting okay with it, but right now, I'm still lonely.

3.) I don't understand football, but we will probably lose the game.

4.) I'm just really sick of homecoming and want to be out of high school. Too bad I'm only a junior.

Now, I'm going to be positive and just to think of happy things about the rest of today and tonight:

1.) I do indeed love s'mores. They are yummy.

2.) I like hanging out with my friends at football games. I usually always sit by Dixie and Trevor and they are my friends. Hopefully their coupleness doesn't drive my crazy.

3.) ...I love s'mores.

Oh, that didn't work at all.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Oh, You Know

I'm in Computer App. again. It really seems I get a lot done in this class, doesn't it? Not that that question is for anyone since no one reads this, which is sad, because thanks to the subscription on xanga where they would just email you when someone updates, my xanga got a nice little faithful following. Sad to say that my writing isn't witty or deep enough for people to have to type in the web address and actually take the time to read it. Sad day indeed. More so because xanga is blocked at the school.

However, I do believe in order to have a blog, you mustn't always write to just get people's admiration or anything. I realize that there are words everyone has in their head, but true bloggers must realize not everything is a hit right away. I don't know why I'm talking about this... this won't get my reader numbers up.

Quite honestly, I don't have much to say. Lunch was a gross sub in a package that was soggy on the bottom. The chips were plain and there wasn't any dip. And I do have a deep love for chip dip. It's not up there with my love of Burget King's chicken fries, but it's still on the list. I'm really just bored and can ramble really well. If that were a talent, I would be so talented that someone would give me a tv-show. Actually, I've seen MTV, so really, if I were just more popular and lived in California, someone would get me a TV-show. No one there really has talent.

I'm so sick of Britney Spears. My mom sometimes watched Extra and ET after school and seriously, Britney Spears has almost always done something retarded. I couldn't less care about whether or not she has the sense to put underwear on or is stupid enough to shave her head, or party so she doesn't remember the words to songs. I don't care. I really hate like every show that talks about celebrities, I hate hearing about celebrities. I'm sick of it. They are annoying. Of course, the news about real issues is just depressing. At least you can laugh at celebrities.

I'm sure I can find something better to do than ramble.


Just wait.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Writing Saves Lives... Perhaps

My English teacher told me that you should write everyday. I think you should trust everything my English teacher said because a) He's a college professor; I am taking it for duel enrollment and because b) we spent just about 50 minutes discussing the definitions of four words--enormity, fulsome, noisome, and capital--and that was just about it. It was a great chunk of time in which not much of anything was accomplished besides expanding our vocabulary with words half of the class probably will forget in five years. I get sidetracked very easily. My point is that you should write everyday. Actually, we covered many different things today in class, I learned a lot the more I think about it. Writing everyday, was really my teacher's point, I will not steal his point. He was telling us that if you write everday, you have a better chance of not being depressed. However, we found a flaw in the fact--suicide letters. You have to write letters. And then kill yourself, which probably more likely than not had to do with depression. I sure hope happy people don't kill themselves. This is sad. I want to talk about something happy again.

Pink bunnies.

Nope, I really got nothing. I have a paper to write by Monday. On a topic of my choice, of which I have no idea to write. Oh, well. By the way, I'm typing this in my Computer App. class, where I am always so focused. My point is, I have a Chemistry test next hour. We can listen to ipods in this class and since I love shuffling the songs, "Chapstick, Chapped lips, and Things Like Chemistry" by Relient K always plays and then I want to giggle, because Chemistry is my next class.

More pink bunnies.

I am listening to Jonezetta right now, so I probably won't hear Relient K sing to me about Chemistry, maybe I should, maybe it would be good luck before my test.


"it's chapstick, and chapped lips, and things like chemistry/can i relate to you the way you relate to me/can you help me out with my chemistry"

Monday, July 23, 2007

Nerves and Faith

Maybe it's good a have a job. Since if I didn't, boredom would just lead to me eating then I'd get unhealthly fat. I'm saying this, because I was just eating Pringles because I didn't have anything better to do. I don't work today, in case you didn't go into Southside and memorize my schedule. Oh, yeah. I work at a gas station now. I make pizza mostly. I am being trained up front on Wednesday, though. The joys never end. Actually, I'm totally not even hating my job this week because I just work morning shifts. So, even though that means being at work by 6:30 for four mornings this week, I don't mind, because then I still have from 2:30 on to enjoy the rest of my day. Which I am very happy about. The most happiness though comes from knowing that I don't have to miss youth group this week. Anyway, that's enough about work.

My youth group is planning an event called AfterShock '07. For which I am speaking, and I must admit that even though NYC put a fire in me that made me look forward and be excited to speak, every day the event is getting closer, I'm becomming more nervous. I know, I know. I just need to leave it all in God's hands, but I seriously don't wanna screw up His word. I feel nervous even typing about how nervous I am getting. But, other than my speaking, AfterShock is going to be an amazing event. It's no doubt a faith move and trusting God's grace to pull through for us, but God has plans we can't even begin to imagine.

I suppose I have more to say, but my lack of ability to focus is meaning that I need to get up and walk around.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

This is How it Goes I Suppose

I got a job. At Char's Food Pride. So, basically I spend my time saying, "Did you find everything alright?" while messing up something or another on the cash register. And until someone invents a time machine so I can go back to Monday and say no to this horrible job of which my hate for seems to grow with the passing days, I'm stuck working until at least school starts. But, really, I think that I just think about it too much and if I didn't think I wouldn't have thought so much about how much my hate for this checker job would go off the theoretical 1-10 scale. Ugh. I should stop thinking about it.

Other than that, my birthday is in two days. Well, in several hours it will be only a day away. And I'm sorry, usually I get annoyed by people who don't look forward to/do nothing exciting for their birthday, but I'm now one of those people. I seriously wish I could ignore my birthday. I have no idea what brought on this funk of unhappy birthdayness, but I kinda wish I could just skip over my birthday. Maybe it's because I have less than thought out plans or maybe it's because I hardly have any friends, I don't know. But what I do know is that I should be excited. It's my sixteenth birthday, but sweet sixteen, but golden birthday even. This is a special birthday, it's even on a Saturday which totally screams "do something for your birthday." But, alas, I dread it and wish it weren't in two days. I don't know what is wrong with me, I mean, seriously, I've been looking forward to this birthday since I was probably six years old and now that the time is here, it just feels like one huge letdown.

Other than that, I don't have much I feel like talking about going on. I hate Thursdays, but I might hate my birthday and my job (hands down for that one) more than all Thursdays combined. What has this world come to? Get your bomb shelters ready, people, the end is near. Ignore me, I'm too flippant for my own health.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

I Got a New Attitude (and a New Phone)

I got a new phone yesterday. And, my dear friends, is what I'm using to type this post. But I haven't gotten the hang of it quite yet. So I am just going really slow. And actually, I'm at my computer now, since I tried to figure out how to send it to my blog and what not. I must admit, this is very nifty. Very nifty, indeed.

I just spend this week helping with VBS, which means lots of little kids, little kid songs with amazing actions (that yes, Erika and I did the actions in the back while the kids were singing), cowboys hats and cowboy boots (because that was the theme this year and because I was in the daily skits so I was "Sheriff Andy"... I know, sheer amazingness), and lots of little annoying kids. And three and four year olds who don't understand the concept of duck, duck, goose. Ha, ha. It was great fun.

Whatcha gonna do now? There's a new Sheriff in town.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Train Wreck in Progess

-Amos Bronson Alcott

I love routine. Maybe that's why I'm sad there's no school. Because summer means that I hardly have a routine. Since my mom won't let me sleep until noon, I wake up around 7:30 and have a cup of coffee then shower after that. I don't know if I've gotten the job at Southside yet (the uncertainity is giving me too much time to think about how I'll probably suck it up at work), even then I'll work whenever needed and not have a rountine. I don't like the uncertainity of what my day will bring. I actually don't even like surprises. I don't like not knowing what to expect. Since I think it goes hand in hand, I don't like change either. I like things to remain the same way, when I know what to expect.

I love spontaneity. Before you think I'm bipolar, let me say that I love a majority of things random. Out of nowhere. Just living and not thinking. I can't explain it, but there are times when I love unplanned things that you don't expect. I don't know how I can love both. Maybe I really am bipolar. Actually, that would explain a lot. Anyway, that's what that quote makes me think of. Just living and enjoying things that you have no idea what will come. I will admit I like knowing what will happen more so, but I should learn to enjoy the unknown. Because, quite honestly, it isn't as fun if you know the ending of a movie, right? Or the end of a book. It takes away the fun of reading the middle. I don't know how people can read the last chapter of a book (I prefer to read the last word or sentence and that's it). Then you lose the desire to read the middle storyline part of the book, because you know the result anyway. That's the good thing about life, you have no idea what will happen in the end. Five--even ten-year plans can fall through. Life is worth living just because it seems like a train wreck in progress. Life is worth living because we can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is worth the struggles, because we need to build the faith that no matter what the light is still there, waiting at the finish line. Life is worth every second. Oh, life is worth the spontaneity. So, maybe I shouldn't worry about making a summer routine and maybe I should just live my summer and have it come what may.

That being said, I want it to rain.

Monday, May 21, 2007

And I Was Looking Forward to Summer?

Here I am. School ended last Friday. I slept in on Saturday until almost noon. Yesterday was church, graduation, graduation parties and a bonfire. It's Monday now in case you're unable to see a calendar or you live in a dayless world. My mom thinks I have to do something this summer, so I just got done filling out an application to work at gas station. Since I'm sure that job sounds thrilling, you must understand that I live in a small town where jobs are limited. Plus, I'd get four cents off gas. With the crazy high price of gas that's currently making everyone's wallet lighter, it's a good plan. After lunch, I have to drive my brother so he can get a job application to fill out as well. The excitement is overwhelming. So, I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me, because quite honestly, I'd rather be in school right now. That's pathetic and I feel like a loser admitting that. But believe it or not, cleaning my room is not one of my favorite passtimes. However, that's what I'm doing, because my mother seems to think I must keep busy. As if having hanging out with people isn't keeping busy?

I suppose I should get back to doing something productive. Yeah, right.

So, until next time (which may very well be later today), hasta luego.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

This is the Start of Something New

This is going to be my blog. And it's going to be fun. You will enjoy it. If not, then don't bother reading it. That's about as frank as I can get. I have a xanga and while my blogging doesn't get far behind the bad stories about my lame days, I need to start blogging mainly for the fact that typing is something that keeps me busy. Why do I need to keep busy? Well, I was sitting at my computer thinking, "I'm hungry." Don't see the direct relation of typing and being hungry? In case you don't know me at all, I eat when I'm bored. If I get bored too often, I'll eat too often and then I'll just end up fat. To make matters worse, I hate exercise so much that whenever I exercise I get really angry at random things. One of those things being the whole idea of exercise itself. Then my anger leads to me eating massive amounts of junk food and thinking, "Ha! I'll show you exercise!" Which is of course followed up by an evil laugh. (Cue the "muhahaha." And so on and so forth.) Just wait, blogging will be the next new diet craze. Then again, maybe not.

Thinking of a name for my blog turned out to be a difficult task. It's like deciding on what outfit to wear if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life. Okay, minus all drama, since I know a blog name isn't ever going to be burned on to me like outfits can get burned into your skin if you feel the effects of a nuclear bomb. I'm really not this dramatic, but I'm sure sounding like it. Back to my point, a blog name. Thanks to Relient K's new CD (Five Score and Seven Years Ago), which features the song "Devastation and Reform." It was probably my second favorite song, so I'm like, "This is the definition of perfect." Or as close as you can get, since perfect is an unattainable goal. Let's look at Devastation and Reform a little closer, thanks to Shall we?

dev·as·ta·tion [dev-uh-stey-shuhn] –noun
1.the act of devastating; destruction.

re-form [ree-fawrm] –verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
1. to form again.

I'd go deeper with my thoughts, but alas studying for the joyous semesters is calling my name. Oddly enough, it's quite similiar to my mother's voice saying, "Turn the computer off if that's not homework and start studying." Let's see if I can convince her I really can listen to my ipod and study. I don't know if she will buy it.

Join me on this journey?