It's Becoming a Reality

A week and a day ago, I held the plane ticket in my hand. Nothing makes a trip more real than holding the plane ticket. Tomorrow is July, and we leave on July 20th. I am very scared. And as much as I absolutely love everyone on the team that is going, we have all been very clearly getting on each other's nerves. I suppose that is understandable, but I really, really hope we don't drive each other crazy while we are in Africa. I mean, we will be spending way more time with each other there than we ever have here. I just hope we all (myself included) realize that this trip isn't about us. We will be able to do way more for God if we focus not on ourselves.

And now for you entertainment, a picture of Erika (a follow Africa team member) and me from when we picked up shingles at Craig and Carissa's new house:
Don't we just look fantastic? (It is a good thing I enjoy embarrassing myself.)

Stirrup Leggings

And so I ask the fashion world (or at least the sometimes fashionable Forever21 world) why? Why must you make me feel like the clothes I wore when I was a kid are back? Why? Who decided to play this sick joke on the world? Why? They were lame when I wore them when I was seven, and they are even more lame if I would try to wear them when I am seventeen. Please, why?

Why Do I Love the New Millennium?

"I Love the New Millennium: Kick off your Ugg boots and put down your iPods as VH1 brings you the next big hit in their hugely popular "I Love The" series: "I Love The New Millennium." Catch this eight-hour series that covers the first eight years of the new millennium (2000-2007) and we're not leaving any stone unturned. Don't miss it!" [source]

I love the new millennium for several reasons:
1. We aren't even done with this decade, but Vh1 just can't wait to have a new "I love" series. I mean, really. Why not go back farther, why not love the 60's? Because no one who comments on all this stuff was alive in the 60s?
2. I can recall every single thing so far on this series. Now, since I was born in 1991, I can't really recall everything in the I Love the 90s.
3. It gives me something to watch when I am absolutely bored on a Saturday.

I can't wait until this year is over so they can come sum up in an hour on Vh1.

Last Week's Trip to Mtichell and Cabela's

Regretting Q

There aren't many things that I regret and even if I do regret things, I won't admit it because I don't believe in regrets. However, I regretted Q2006 and I knew I should have like wiggled my way into going to Q2008. It is coming soon and I honestly wish that I was going. I should have known. I should have known.

Be My Friend

Be my friend on Twitter. If you don't have Twitter, get Twitter. It is more amazing than strawberry ice cream. If you don't have Twitter, get Twitter and be my friend on Twitter. Plweeze?

God Has Been Showing Me

God has been showing me some things lately. That I am inadequate. That I don't have the right words to say. I mess up all the time and I really have no idea what I am doing. But, you know what? I think that is exactly where God wants me to be. I don't have to try to have it all together. I don't need to have the right words, when I preach should be using God's Word and not my own words. I am really trying to be honest. I am trying to embrace my sense of unworthiness. I am absolutely unworthy. Don’t ever try to undermine your unworthiness, because if you’re okay without Him, you don’t need Him. If somehow we deserve God’s grace, then somehow we don’t need God’s grace. If we aren’t that bad, God’s grace isn’t that amazing.

Philippians 3:
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

When God changes your life, you don't forget it.

Pastor gave my Sunday sermon an A. ("It isn't an A+, but it isn't an A- either." Thanks, Pastor. That helped me know what to change to make it better.) I think he liked this point: "To walk with Christ is to walk as those who have been raised from the dead."

P.S. To continue, I want to think about that point a little more. I haven't been living like that. I have been living lately like I am just about as close to being depressed as I can without people actually saying, "Man, you look depressed." (Overlook the fact that I am not a man.) I need to take a step back and look at how I am living. I have life.

Also, nothing makes a trip more real than holding the plane tickets in your hand. I mean, going to Africa always seemed like such a distant thing. It is less than a month away. I have my luggage, but I am not ready. I am nervous and unprepared. And yet I am somehow excited and anxious.

I'm Not Okay

I'm not okay with being another ditsy giggly teenager. I am not okay with it. Sometimes I act like it. But, I want to be more. I am serious sometimes, too. I really am.

I just want to be more.

It's Never Too Late...

...to post one of my sermons. I preached this sermon in February. I will apologize right away about the video quality and sound. It isn't the best quality and the sound is a little off probably most of the time, but it is the only video I have of it. I was in Oakes when I preached this message. It's not perfect, but then again, neither am I.

Untitled from Andra K. on Vimeo.
I am preaching tomorrow morning. Not this sermon, but a different sermon. So, pray it goes without me saying, "The concrete above my feet" again. Ha, ha. Didn't you notice that?

Da Trip

There is just too much that I could say about our three hour trip today. (Well, total of like six hours.) There were a lot of stories told (I told a lot of stories). There was a lot of laughter. There was probably too much caffiene involved as well as chocolate covered raisins. Our performance went good. Today was a lot of fun actually.

Pray for the services to go well on Sunday. (Well or good?)

Mitchell, Oil, and Finding it Weird

I am going to Mitchell today. The group going to Africa has put together skits and human videos and stuff to take with us to Africa. We are going to Mitchell for the District Missions Assembly thing to preform a human video for them. Cole and I are giving our testimonies as well. I would say I am not nervous, but I am only not nervous because I haven't thought about it must. I probably will be nervous, only because I am not really planning my words. I am just hoping that since I have lived my testimony, I know it well enough to just get up and say it. But, I guess we will have to see how it goes.

We leave in an hour, so I don't really have much to say. Cole showed me how to change oil last night. That was nice of him. He was like, "I'm surprised you wanted to know how." My mother thinks that everyone should learn how. You see, while I am okay with being weak, pathetic, and an unknowledgeable ditsy girl some of the time, I really don't want to be that way forever.

Something else before I go get done is that I find it weird how I react to certain things. Like even I don't expect it. It's like someone tells me something and I am not mad or upset by it when I thought I probably would be. In fact, I really just appreciate their honesty. I just find it a little weird. And you may find it a little vague, but you are just going to have to deal with it.

So, let the Mitchell adventure begin. (In an hour, but still.)

Throwback Thursday ("Whatchu Talkin' 'bout?")

I love this. To my left is my cousin, Kurt. He enjoys telling random stories. As you can see by Drew's and my face, Kurt tells amazing stories. (P.S. For the girls out there, I have two words: Jelly sandals. Yes, look at my feet.)

Now won't you throwback something this very fine Thursday? Throwback Thursday. Come on, you know you want to.

Tell Me What You Think

I am preaching this Sunday. I am preaching for the morning service at my home church and the evening service in a church about 2 hours away from my hometown. I haven't written very many sermons in my day, but usually I start with a topic and find scripture and illustrations to go with that topic. This time I thought I would start with the scripture. Clarence Edward McCartney said, "Put all the Bible you can into it." I don't want to waste my pulpit.


The scripture that I am going to preach on is Philippians 3:7-11.
"7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Anyone have any thoughts on this passage? What it means? What is meant to Paul? What it means to you today? Any thoughts at all?

Comment and I appreciate you. Don't comment and well, I might cry. So, comment. Do it now.

So, The Summer So Far

Twitter is over capacity? This is looks all too sad. And I don't even think it is possible for this to ever happen. Could birds really ever first of all carry a whale and second of all take it out of the ocean on a net? Seriously people. I am starting to feel bad for this whale that isn't even real, so Twitter fix your problems so I can be happy again.

On other less whale related notes, I still don't have a job. Now I could just go in and talk to the boss and I could probably get a job. Several people have talked to her about my coming back and they said she said that she was all up for it. I am a pretty good worker, so there should be no reason and more so with two people for sure leaving within the next week, I should get a job. I just feel bad 'cause I would have to ask for a several days off right now and I don't want to start a job and be like, "Oh, I can't work this day and this day and this day." Which is probably just an excuse. I also need to go to the school and get a transcript so I can register for my college classes. I need to do laundry as well.

So, I have a friend who is a jerk. I don't want to sound mean, really, I don't. I don't really talk to him much anymore, but he has told him how he is using girls and just waiting to break their hearts and watch them cry. And yes, by using plural, I mean more than one. More than two or three probably even. I enjoy talking to him because it reminds me how glad I am that I don't have a boyfriend. It reminds me how glad I am that I never got involved with him because he would probably just be hurting and being a jerk to me. I feel bad though, because I probably did hurt him and I feel bad because anyone who wants to hurt other people on purpose has problems. I feel bad because he gives the good guys a bad name. There are good guys out there. I know there are good guys out there.

Here is something I am uber duber excited about. (Yes, uber duber, that is how excited I am.)
I can't wait for July 1st. (No, I am not Canadian.) Relient K is gracing the world with 13 B-sides and 13 brand new songs. I am so excited. (Plus, I found it funny that an EP would include 13 songs, Josh found it funny too and I knew he would be the only other person to find it funny. Most people I tell are like, "What's an EP?" Josh, my friend, my great advice giver, a music major.) So I am pretty much counting down the days. Only I am not, but I really should be. Anyone want to make like a countdown for July 1st?

And so finally, a list. I love lists. Things I am going to learn this summer (for real... well, hopefully. At least I want to learn these things):
1. How to swim
2. How to change oil
3. How to change a tire
4. How to trust other people (Alright, so I wanted four things on my list.)

My Birthday Pie and Me

Burf-a-ma-day

So, it's my birthday...

My Birthday is Tomorrow

Dixie knows me so well. (And I told her to get me pens.) I know I shouldn't have opened it yet, because this is pretty much all I am getting. Except Cole gave me something. but I promised I wouldn't open that until tomorrow.

Father's Day Today

How do you say "Happy Father's Day" to a father that not only isn't here, but chooses not to be here? I am growing up and while he sees me every now and then, he has missed watching me grow into the person I am today. The sad thing is that he is still missing it. I have spent all of my teenage years without a father in my life. And you know what? I think I am happy. Because, I am a fatherless person who did not turn into a statistic. I turned to God and my life is so much better. I'm just sorry my dad has to miss out on it.

Sleepy Saturdays

Not Doing Great Things... or Maybe Just Not Yet?

If you could do anything for God, what would you do?

I want to do great things for God. I am young and I live in a small town. Most of the time I feel like I am not able to do great things for God until I am older or until I am in college or even out of college. I feel like I am not really talented or anything. I can preach a little, but I feel that soon I will run out of words to write sermons and I am not even that good of a public speaker. I get nervous even if I am in front of people I am comfortable around. I feel that I am not that creative and I don't have very many good ideas. I mess up a lot and hardly do anything right. I want God to use me, but I feel very useless. "I’m a little more than useless," but not much more. I am weak, not very talented, and young and stuck in a small town.

I do know that I shouldn't limit God. I know that God can do amazing things even when the circumstances don't seem favorable. I know that God has already used me for some at least close to great things. I know that God will use me in the future. I know all of these things in the back of my mind. It just doesn't seem like that is the case right now. I know I shouldn't limit God. He is greater and knows the plans. I am just here, willing to be used.

I wish I had some answers tonight, but all I have are questions.

Including a question for you: If you could do anything for God, what would you do?

Throwback Thursday (My Barbies and Me)

Thanks to Throwback Thursday, I get to go through some old pictures of me and remember the good times (and bad) of my childhood. I always played with a lot of Barbies. There was a Barbie Magazine (and apparently there still is) and I don't know if they still do, but when I was little, you could send in a picture with you and all of your barbies and there was a chance that you might get your picture in the magazine. So, my mom and I organized all my Barbies and took a ton of pictures. I was never in the magazine, but I am not bitter, because I am sure I am adorable and they should regret not putting me in their magazine. Ha, ha. It was 1995, I am pretty sure.

Throw yourself back several years with Throwback Thursday.

Circle Time and Random Hugs

I love circle time. Let me explain. I am no longer in kindergarten, nor am I helping kindergarten kids during VBS (but I am helping with 4th graders!). Of course, you don't need to be five to enjoy circle time. The group of youth going to South Africa next month (next month, yikes) have been meeting just about every Tuesday for the couple couple months or so. We practice worship music, human videos, and our testimonies and what not. Sometimes we sit around in a circle and talk. We talk about random things, struggles, frustrations, more random, and even more random (we have group A.D.D. kinda). Tonight we talked about what has been doing not so great. Frustrations and the like.

I really enjoy circle time. What I said what kinda just about how it isn't easy with Father's Day coming up and I don't have a father that I can give a "Best Dad Ever" T-shirt to. I don't even have a father who I am going to send a card or say "Happy Father's Day" to. I don't really have a relationship with my father. I also said how I am not excited for my birthday. Honestly, I am not excited for my birthday. I'm not really getting anything for my birthday (not that it's about things, because it's not, I'm just saying). I'm not really doing anything for my birthday. I might go out for dinner with my family or something, but nothing exciting that I am excited about. And I know that birthdays are really a celebration of being given life. It's great that I have a birthday, because that means I am alive. And I know that God has a plan for my life and had a plan long before I was ever born. I am just not looking forward to my birthday. It feels like it will be just another day. It is the 16th, by the way. My birthday last year was a total letdown. Maybe that's why I don't care about this birthday. If I don't care, then it can't be a letdown. Whatever. It is just another day.

VBS has been going good. Some kid tried to tell me that, "Mirrors are made of windows." You see, we were washing car windows and they were only supposed to wash the windows because the other classes were going to wash other parts of the car. He was washing the mirrors and I told him to just wash the windows. "Mirrors are made of windows," he tried to convince me. Yeah, I am pretty sure not. Kids are quite entertaining, though. 4th grade girls don't like boys yet. Which I am pretty sure isn't true, I remember having crushes on boys when I was in 4th grade. I even remember who it was, but he moved, so clearly it wasn't meant to be. Ha, ha.

Erika told Rebecca that she wanted to give her a "random hug." She said she likes announcing when she is going to give random hugs. So, whenever someone gave someone else a hug tonight, someone was always like, "random hug!" And Jeremy was far away and gave a random long distance hug. It was a lot of fun.

It isn't just Tuesday that I was to say this. But, Jeremy and Heidi are two amazing people. I admire them both for their strength and ability to be such great leaders. Whenever it is with the youth group or just raising a family, it is very clear that they are close to God. They have been married 7 years and are continuing to grow closer to each other. I am very glad that they are both in my life. I mean, raising three kids (ages 5, 3, and 1) can't be easy, but they make it work. I love their kids. I don't really like kids, but I love their kids. Dakota has an amazing imagination. Hailey is always so cute. Roddy is still young, but he has started walking and it is adorable! Jeremy and Heidi have a lot going on. They are amazing people. They even fed me supper on Saturday night. Which is always nice. Anyway, I am glad I know them.

Positive Post Tuesday

Some Rain and Some Bows

Visit my State or Just Watch the Commercial

Does anyone else really hate those "come visit [insert name of state]" commercials? I think I really do. Seriously, why make those commercials? Do they really think that someone is really just going to be sitting around watching TV, see their commercial, and book a trip to Nebraska/California/Texas/Minnesota/there are 50 states, so figure it out? I just saw a Nebraska commercial, so that will be my current annoyance. I have no desire to just visit Nebraska and all its well-knownities. The commercial did not make me start planning my vacation. It did not make me grab my suitcase (overlook the fact that I don't even have a suitcase and need to buy one). Not that I have anything wrong with Nebraska, I have been there and it is lovely. However, seeing that commercial did not make me want to go to Nebraska. Now all the visit__.org or like my state. Websites are great, because you go there on purpose. You are really wanting to visit this state and want to plan it out. I like websites. Woo go tourist websites! But, boo commercials. In fact, it is really just making me angry that they think I am so easily swayed by a commercial filled with beautiful scenery. I mean so what if the only reason I use the shampoo I use because it comes in a pretty purple bottle? I mean, I really just wanted to find something to complain about and then the poor Visit Nebraska commercial came on, so it really didn't stand a chance.

That and I was going to post about how I don't want anyone to leave. Like I want my brother to stay to kill spiders. And I want my friends to stay, so I can help where my help isn't really needed on a video. I struggle with forward motion. But that seemed like a depressing blog, so I opted for the more... pointless post. Plus I am just killing time, because my mom isn't home yet. But, I just brought my clothes up that were hanging up downstairs, so I probably shouldn't let them wrinkle anymore.

Enjoy your Saturday night. And Sunday morning. And Sunday evening. Alright, I am done.

Garage Sales, Simplified, and Letdowns

It doesn't really seem like Thursday. I mean, I know today is almost over. But all day it hasn't felt like Thursday. It has, however, rained all day. Well, cloudy mostly. It just started raining harder a couple hours ago. I absolutely love rain. The sound of rain, the smell of rain. The feeling that rain washes everything.

My mother is having a garage sale, so I have been helping get stuff together and lie stuff out on tables. I really don't like garage sales, because it really makes you realize how much stuff you really have. I am not sure how I have gotten so much stuff. Actually, I really didn't find much for the garage sale, but still, I have a lot of stuff. I wonder what it would be like if everyone just simplified their lives. I will be honest, I think having new clothes all the time is necessary. But, it really isn't. I will admit that I have too much stuff. I wonder what it would take for me to simplify my life. I wonder how the trip to Africa will change things. Everyone is always saying, "It will change your life." I actually had a dream the other day that I went to Africa and it was a letdown. Like I didn't see anyone African and nothing happened. We were in a hurry and had to leave like right away. It was kind of a depressing dream. I mean, I know the trip won't be like that, but last summer, I went to St. Louis for the Nazarene Youth Conference and it was fun, don't get me wrong, but it was kind of a letdown (and when I had to report on it to the church, I just told a story that made me seem like I am a ditz). I mean, whenever you think something is going to be great, it will be a letdown. At least it always seems like it. I want the trip to South Africa this July (it is getting closer) to be life changing. It want it to make me step back and take a look at my life. I want it to make me think about simplifying my life. I want Africa to impact my life and thoughts. I want Africa to show me the power of God and that His grace reaches every single place in the world. I want this trip to change me.

Speaking of letdowns, last year my birthday was very less than exciting. It was an extreme letdown, actually. I am not excited for my birthday this year either, and it is a little sad. I used to get really mad at people who think their birthdays aren't anything special. And yet, I have come to realize how un-special my birthday is. My birthday is the 16th. Someone tell me something to do to make it exciting. Just so you know, no one has ever planned me a surprise birthday party. So if you want to, I will be surprised, I promise. I will be more surprised if you don't tell me. In case you didn't know the point of surprise parties.

"I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong.
It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
And for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear"
-Switchfoot, Beautiful Letdown

This is for You

...all you people who think my purse is too big.

From here, but not everything is so appropriate.

Throwback Thursday (Red Dress)

This was from like 1996 or something. I have no idea why my picture was taken or what I was holding, but I loved having my picture taken, so I suppose I just wanted to pose for the camera.

Throw something back yourself.

Driving Home

Rain!

Father

I was born on Father's Day. I told MJ this and she was like, "Oh, that must have been the nicest Father's Day gift." I smiled. Josh looked at me. He knows. I said to Josh, "Yeah, we are just going to overlook the fact that he left me [and my family]." I guess my father didn't really agree that I was the best Father's Day gift.

You know what, though? I don't know how okay I am with it, but it doesn't hurt me anymore to think about it. I know I probably talk about this a lot. But, it is something huge that happened in my life. I know the divorce rate in the United States is high, but when it happens to you, there's no books you can read, no advice you can hear that will prepare you or make you feel any better. I should like June, because my birthday is this month. However, when this month also being Father's Day (and even Father's Day being the day before my birthday), it isn't as enjoyable as it should be.

I have forgiven my father. I have moved on. He sometimes says "I love you" to me, but I don't say anything in return. I don't hate him or anything. I just think that if you love a person, you have to actually show them. Words don't mean much when there isn't action behind them. Of course, now realize how important it is that actions must back up the words that I say. Thanks for the lesson, Dad.

I am preaching my first Sunday morning service at my church (I preached a morning service in Oakes, too, but never a morning service here) on the 22nd of June. It's a good thing Pastor didn't ask me to speak on Father's Day, because I don't think I really have anything happy to say about Fathers. Ha, ha. Yeah, no one wants to hear what I would say for a Father's Day message. I would have to say how my father left me with trust issues and resentment for a long time. I have way less resentment, but still tons of trust issues. I find it hard to trust even people who I know are trustworthy.

Two years ago, around this time, I was going through a time of depression. I would cry a lot. I would just cry for no real reason. I would cry in Econo Foods when I saw a man whose leg cause him to walk with a limp. I know that I have grown in the past two years. I still don't think it is okay to cry, because my father and even my mother told me that you can only cry when you have a good reason. I am struggling to learn when it is okay to cry. I am struggling to learn that crying is ever okay.

I know I sound like rambling. This hasn't been a very good blog. But, I just wanted to get some thoughts out there.

I Eat Beef Jerky

"You eat beef jerky?"

"Of course I eat beef jerky, it's like my favorite food."

Why would Jeremy even ask that? Well, I know why. It is because Heidi doesn't eat beef jerky. But, beef jerky is my favorite food. Not even like my favorite, it is my favorite.

KC Masterpiece is my favorite barbecue sauce. So it makes perfect sense that:

Which is the greatest combo ever in the history of the world.

My grandmother told me that I was having a good hair day today. It was a little funny hearing that from my grandma.

Wait for It

Have ever those times when you know you have a good blog coming on, but you either don't have time or as soon as you actually sit down in front of a screen, you lose every thought you had in your head? Right now it is the former. I have an eye appointment today. Therefore, I must leave you all on the edge... thinking about what I think a good blog coming on is.

Just wait for it.



Wait for it.

Boo Sickness

So, I have been sick all day. I have a stupid sore throat and like my head hurts like really bad. Every time I stand up, I have like a pounding in my head. It's not so much fun. After getting home from church, I have just mainly been sleeping all day. Boo sickness. Boo.

But, I will be fine. I hope you are doing well. You know, the general you out there. All of you. You and you and yes, even you.

I went to a friend of mine's graduation reception yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I got to see some people I hardly ever see, so that was nice. It was even a pretty nice day, which I am glad that he got a good day for everything. Without sounding too corny, it has been nice getting to know him a little better throughout the year.

Well, I am going to go rest some more. As if sleeping from 12:30 until 7:00 isn't resting enough.