Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Yesterday I had a guitar lesson and bowled on league. In between the two I stopped by the gym to see how the decorations were going and I was asked if I had black spray paint, so I went home and got some. (That was my way of helping out.) I didn't bowl very good; I only got above my average on one game. Yeah, but at least our team won 3-1. That's always good.
As you may or may not know, prom is this Saturday. Oh wait, that's tomorrow. Prom is tomorrow. I am a member of the junior class (of 2009, baby!) and the junior class is always in charge of prom. So we are all decorating today. Since my class is a majority of girls and people who can't get along, some people had dubbed today Cat Fight Friday. (Catchy, huh?) Anyway, everyone thinks that we will all get mad at each other and yelling will be involved. I do not plan to engage in those activities. I just want to decorate and do what I can to help and get done. I am not on prom committee and I don't even particularity care. And I really don't like cat fights; they are stressful (and if I had my nails done, I wouldn't want to mess them up; ha, ha). It will be interesting to see how today plays out. And I may or not be bringing my camera in the chance that I could record someone blowing up. Which I may or may not find funny. May or may not. You know, you knows. Perhaps I should bring some popcorn and enjoy the show. Ha, ha. Yes, folks, this is the humor I am going to have to have to get me through the day. At least we don't have to go to any of our classes. Silver lining, all the way. Fun, fun, fun.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:55 AM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
"I want to be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
And I want to be there for you "
-Flyleaf, There for You
Thursdays. A day of the week that I used to loathe. I am not even kidding you, nothing good ever happened on Thursdays. In fact, if something bad were to happen on a Thursday it wasn't a surprise, in fact, it came to be expected. However, I like my Thursdays now. It's one of the only mornings I am not in a hurry in the mornings and I get to bowl on league. Since I am now experienced as a league bowler, I am not just this little kid to everyone there (I am the youngest one there that is bowling though) and I know the right amount of times to wait for people and what not. So Thursday and I have worked it out and we no longer hate each other. Happy Thursday to one and all!
You thought it wouldn't ever happen. Well, you were wrong.
Last night at youth group, we had some much needed talking to, prayer, and some random worship playing. We watched this video. It's weird. I really hate it when people try to like guilt you in to going to the altar and kneeling for so long your legs fall asleep. But it was needed. There are times when you have to come. You absolutely have to come, kneel, and give it all up. Now I will be honest with you, some thoughts that I was thinking about last night were: I really don't think that I am/capable of being a leader. I really think this. Because I am not old enough nor smart enough nor strong personality enough to get people to want to listen to me. When we break into our groups, they either don't pay attention to me or the college people take over. I can't get them to pay attention and I can't get the control back. I honestly don't think that I will ever be able to be a leader. That's why it was hard for me to listen to Jeremy because the entire team I was thinking how much of a leader I'm not and I wanted to cry. I did still focus and pay attention to what he was saying. But you know what, while I really do not think I am a good leader (or leader at all), I do know that I need to follow the real Leader (God) before I will ever be able to be a leader.
In other news, I have been getting headaches a lot lately. Like for three days in a row now I have had a headache. Which is weird, because I very rarely ever get headaches. And I am not doing anything different. I am drinking no more and no less of coffee or anything. It's not been a happy time.
I have been actually listening to Way of the Master Radio lately. Good stuff, good stuff. I'm not gonna lie, it's great stuff. Scripture is so important. I can't imagine anyone who doesn't believe in the power of Scripture. Alright, just thought I would get that out there.
P.S. Don't make fun of me. I am too special. And I refuse to wonder. If I were to wonder, that would be so girly of me. You can never read girls so don't even try.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 7:36 AM
Posted by Andra Lauren at 7:32 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I don't really want to write about anything, because I am sad about everything. For large groups, we scratched for band because we didn't have enough trumpets. I never got to hear the creation/evolution thing and I really would have liked to.
Anyway, the creepy music helps, but this is real footage of a live little gnome man. I would be afraid. Enjoy:
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:53 AM
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Someone recently told me that I was just another girl.
Now, despite what my mother thinks, I never got mad when someone told me, "You look nice today," because it would mean that I don't look nice every day. I've never gotten mad at that. Or even someone who says that, I didn't get mad at them either. But I am still a girl (and "things would be a lot different if you were a girl" -quiz trip quote). And to be told that I am just another girl means that I am not special. It would mean that I am ordinary (or everyday one-word, rather than every day two words because everyday one-word means ordinary; I learn a lot from my English class; but not really how to use hyphens because I am not sure if you hyphenate one-word or not).
The person who told me that seemed to get frustrated when I told them that "just another isn't special; just another is ordinary." They were like you are special because you make your own choices and that makes you special. I suppose that does make you different. But not special. It's also weird how you can be special in a bad way and special in a good way. I want to be special in the extraordinary kind of way. When someone tells you that you are just another, they do not mean that you are extraordinary. They just don't.
I am sure my mother thinks I am special. I can crack an egg with one hand. I can make myself burp (okay, not something ladylike or even something I should admit). I can hold my own while bowling on league. I like vanilla malts better than chocolate and way better than strawberry. When standing in front of a window that is several stories up, I imagine myself jumping out of the window and dying even though I know full well that is never something I would actually do. I am afraid of every spider, except daddy long legs, I think that daddy long legs are adorable. I have chapped lips most of the time. I hate elbows in general; I hate mine, I hate yours, I have yet to see a pretty elbow because all elbows are ugly. I have a fear of public speaking, but yet that is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am saving my first kiss until my wedding day, even though no one thinks that I will be able to make it. I don't like Peeps; I do not think that they are marshmellowy goodness covered in delicious sugars of delight. I think they are gross. I am sarcastic and flippant a majority of the time and it gets on people's nerves a majority of the time. I enjoy doing laundry and washing dishes (I don't really like drying dishes though). I even like vacuuming. I could, however, do without having to dust. It is easier for me to fight with someone that deal with the problems. I would make baked goods and give them to you if I could. I don't really like eating cupcakes, so I would love to just make them for someone else. I love wishing people a happy "burf-a-ma-day" instead of a happy birthday, even though it's silly and my brother makes fun of me for it. I love to stand outside when it is raining. I know what the word defenestrate means. My mother got me a mini stapler for Easter and I was very happy (I am a nerd and it's okay). I would be extremely happy if people got me even just a card for my birthday. I have never had a secret admirer before. I wish I had stayed in ballet. I wish I had stayed in swimming lessons, but I still do not know how to swim, but I am afraid that no one will ever be able to teach me. I have stopped drinking pop, but sometimes get incredibly thirsty for it. I have a bottle of sparkling grape juice and I want sometime worthy of being celebrated to happen so I can drink it. I carry a purse that is so big people call it a suitcase. I play flute and guitar. I personally think that I have ugly legs, which is why I love to wear leggings. Junior is my favorite VeggieTales character. I am not a very good actress, but I have been told that I have a lot of facial expression. I don't read enough books. I hate mostly every food that is purple except for grapes and grape juice. I hate bananas, but love foods that are artificially banana flavored. I like it when some people correct my spelling or grammar. I have a lot of typos. I am not sure if typo is in the dictionary. I love doing the cryptoquip puzzle in the Fargo Forum every day. I love writing in colorful ink, even in chemistry, when we do equations and I shouldn't be using pen. I am supposed to be doing something else right now. I am extraordinary and I don't care if you don't agree. There is no one just like me.
Therefore, I am special. And I am not just another girl. I am Andra and I am proud of it.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:59 AM
Monday, March 24, 2008
"I keep on chasing the wrong things and coming up empty
This isn’t who I’m supposed to be
I keep on learning the hard way from every mistake"
-Mainstay, Become Who You Are
"This feels the same
Complications in different situations
I am holding out for love"
-Between the Trees, Words
Our youth group always has a Valentine's Banquet and I am in charge of decorations. I wanted to be really prepared, so my mom and I started looking for decorations the day after Christmas. At least we can buy red stuff and it's cheap, so great idea. Anyway, we bought some red tinsel. Our church has some fake bushes, so we put some red tinsel on the fake bushes. Now we got mostly all of it off. However, sometimes I am on the stage practicing for worship team and I will turn around and smile. I smile because I see red tinsel. And I never remember to go and take it off after worship team practice. So who knows how long there will be red tinsel on the church's fake plants... all thanks to me.
Tomorrow is Large Groups. Which means the band leaves at like three tomorrow for Oakes. Then everyone in chorus leaves later, but I have to stay because I am in band and chorus. It's never very fun and usually we just get by, we don't do too terrific. Ha, ha. Sorry, that doesn't sound good. I tried to word it in the best way possible, but there really isn't a good way to say that we aren't good. That's the excitingness of tomorrow. Large Groups.
Also this week is prom. Since juniors plan the prom, we are decorating all day on Friday. Then there is banquet Friday night and prom Saturday. Honestly, I am not as excited as I probably should be. I am not exactly sure why I am not more excited. I probably shouldn't even be admitting this. Maybe it's because prom is all of a sudden here and it felt like it was still so far away. Time flies. Ugh. I wish I could just talk myself into being excited. I wish I could just be like "Annie, you are going to be excited" and then bam, the excitement comes. It's a shame life doesn't work that way.
We had no school today, what with it being Easter Monday and all. But I don't really feel like I accomplished all the much today. I cleaned and did laundry, but nothing very productive. I hate days in which I do not get much done. It feels like a wasted day.
I wish there was some way that I could know that I am doing the right thing. I wish I could just talk it out with someone who is not biased about the whole thing. I said that it was my decision and it is and if I didn't want to make this choice, I wouldn't have, but I did, so I do. (Make sense?) Well, I wish I could just be completely honest and talk it out, but I really do feel like everyone has already made up their mind up about it. And probably rightly so. Plus, someone said something. I am sure they were just joking, but it got be wondering if there could be any truth in it. I doubt it.
Ah well, such is life I suppose.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 9:27 PM
I never had a good Easter post, which I should have because Easter is probably no doubt about it the most important holiday. Not even holiday, but event in history. It's the most important and victorious event in history. It is still Easter Monday. So I can still be talking about Easter. Enjoy this video. A church made it. The song in the background is by Phil Wickham; it's called "True Love." Enjoy:
Isaiah 53:3-5 (New International Version)
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 9:53 AM
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Mom swished Bob. Ha, ha. I like naming my Easter Eggs. (There was Fran, Judy, Ralph, Bob, Frankford, Dudley, Oddjob, Eggbert, Webby, Juliana, Ms. Kitty Hawk, Caroline, Harold and Skippy.)
Don't forget Oddjob.
Oh, Harold. If this egg had a nickname, it'd probably be Bud. Ha, ha.
I named one after the capital of Kentucky. What of it?
Yes, I am proud that I still dye Easter Eggs.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 4:24 PM
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I realize that nearly half of pregnancies among American women are unintended; about 4 in 10 of these are terminated by abortion (source). I know that most women who get abortions because they did not want to get pregnant. I know that women who are raped sometimes get pregnant. I know that some of them get abortions. Let me say that I believe that no matter how a women become pregnant, the baby is never to be punished or killed for something they had no control over. Abortion is never okay. There will never be a way that you can justify abortion. Abortion is always murder and it is never okay.
"The circumstances surrounding the conception do not change this simple reality. Rape and abortion share this in common. They are both acts of violent assault against an innocent victim. Aborting a child conceived through rape simply extends this pattern of violence and victimhood. It does not "unrape" the woman, but it will almost certainly increase her regret and misery. Whereas rape is an act of violence for which she bears no responsibility, abortion is an act of violence for which she would be morally culpable. Consider the following email, received by Abort73 on January 19, 2007:
Human life matters. As Abort73.com says:
'I just wanted to say that I am so pleased to read your stance on abortion in the case of rape. My mother was a 14-year-old girl who was raped, and she tried to have an abortion. The only reason I am alive today is because the doctor miscalculated her due date and thought she was too far in the pregnancy to have the abortion, when in reality he was a month off (this actually happened twice). It pains me every time I hear even die hard pro-lifers say "except in the case of rape". I know it is traumatizing for a girl or woman that is raped to have to carry a child, but it is no more traumatizing than someone who gets shot during a violent attack and has to deal with those wounds. Counseling and therapy can help heal the trauma, but the trauma will be there whether she has the abortion or not, and the abortion could even make it worse. It has caused me so much anxiety over the years to think that many pro-lifers would have approved of my mother's abortion. By the way, she gave me up for adoption, and my adoptive parents were never able to have children. Thank you so much for this wonderful view against abortion even in the case of rape.'" (source--Abort73)
"Ultimately, human life matters because God matters, and God is the author of human life (Genesis 2:7). The unique significance of human existence does not stop here, though. Not only did God create human beings, but Genesis 1:26-27 and James 3:9 tell us that God created us in HIs own image. This is huge. It is an honor and responsibility bestowed upon no other creature in all the universe. Even the angels, while bearing a moral responsibility similar to human beings (though without the opportunity for redemption) are never said to have been made in the image of God."I support Abort73, and am going to order a couple shirts. I know that probably doesn't do much in the grand scheme of things, but I am strongly against abortion and Abort73 is doing some great things. I am going to post the video. I feel strongly about this. I have a friend who doesn't agree with me, but doesn't want to bring it up because she knows it will resort to an argument. Maybe this video will make you think a little bit. Maybe an argument is very, very worth it.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 4:25 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
" I don’t know if I still have the strength to get up again
I don’t know if I can face my own reflection
Jesus, take this heart that feels so cold again and make it new
I hold this hope inside that you’ll never leave me
When all around me starts to fall and when my faith it seems so small"
This was going to be harder than I thought. I was doing great. The first of the year was a great start. This was going to be a new year and moving forward. Then you start talking to me again. I mean, I know the forty minutes between us wasn't much to like keep us apart, but whatever, you were mad or something and I thought moving on. I guess not. With you getting texting, we starting talking more. I was happy when you first came into the bowling alley. I was like, alright we can just be friends. I guess not. I don't know why you don't understand, even though I tell you, I am not in your future. I don't understand guys. They really make no sense. Ha, ha. If you are reading this, try to get entertainment out of my teenage angst.
As for prom, I am going with someone dependable. I am going with someone who has always just been my friend and I am glad. There's no pressure, so I can just have fun. I am all for having fun. I am all for just enjoying prom. Not saying that I haven't ever enjoyed it, but it will just be more fun this year. Plus, Dixie will be there, so we can do our groovy elbow dance together. We are the coolest people I know.
KELOE was yesterday. It went and now it is gone. But it was alright. Ha, ha. After sitting in a chair for like three hours, your butt really starts to hurt. And because the other two flute players were at SADD convention, I was, once again, the only flute player. So in my three years of going to KELOE, I have always been the only flute player from our school. It's sad really. At least I have never had to move in order to sit by someone I didn't know. Silver lining, you know it.
So, I will have some pretty great stories for my kids. I choose to just learn lessons from people. There you have it.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:45 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
"Knowing that your heart’s content
was the thing that shut their mouths
watching as you value
someone more than yourself
and you taught it well
Send us right away
Our girl doesn’t waste her breath
She stands like a sage
She moves but she never moves away from you
Even as the tears fall
the smile never leaves
wonder in the heartache
that they will never see
that is everything
and you’re watching everything around you slowly start to fade
but you’re holding on to love even though your heart starts to break"
-Mainstay, Away From You
P.S. I have thoughts in my head. I have already said my goodbyes. It's all moving forward from here. Anyone want to share a pint of ice cream to celebrate? Ha, ha. I'm just kidding. But it really is forward motion. I am sure that I am going to struggle with this forward motion. I have thoughts in my head.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 9:45 PM
Monday, March 17, 2008
I was home sick today. I still don't feel all too terrific, but I really have to be better tomorrow. We have Keloe, so we leave for Edgeley after an early lunch tomorrow for practicing and then the performance. I just love playing my flute for pretty much all day. Not really. I am kind of glad that this is my last year. Our band teacher is retiring after this year. It's really sad, but I have to take another credit of PE anyway.
I was working at the bowling alley on Saturday night and some guys who had clearly come from the bar wanted to bring in alcohol. Now, let me explain that a bowling alley is not a bar and is not a babysitter for your kids. The guy was like, "Oh, someone told me it was BYOB." Yeah, no. We are a bowling alley. But they bowled and left, to go back to the bar. Ha, ha. At least they listened to me when I told them that they couldn't have alcohol.
Our church has an event called MAX and I have gone for the past like three years. However, this year my youth group isn't going. I probably still am because I will probably make the district B quiz team. Now, they are taking a charter bus down to the campus where it is held and without anyone of my like closer friends going, I will have no one really to hang out with. And anyone that I do end up hanging out with will probably not want me to be around them. So, while it's still a month away, I am not really looking forward to it.
I would tell you Happy St. Patrick's Day, but we already missed it. " Though St. Patrick's Day generally takes place on March 17, the date is moved when it coincides with Holy Week. Because Easter falls early this year, Pope Benedict moved the date of St. Patrick's Day to March 15. Consider today a do-over" ("10 Things You Didn't Know About St. Patrick's Day"). Oh, well. Happy Do-Over St. Patty's Day. Just think, you pretended you were Irish for no good reason.
Anyway, since I was home today, I got to enjoy the lack of joys that daytime TV brings. I would rather go to school than watch daytime TV. Ha, ha. Good thing I do usually go to school instead of watching daytime TV.
I hate being sick.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 5:20 PM
Saturday, March 15, 2008
"It’s time for healing, time to move on,
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace
And it’s hard surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly"
-Sanctus Real, Whatever You're Doing
I am happy. I am happy with where I am right now. With who I am right now, I am happy. I am a junior in high school. I am single. I am loved by my family (well, most of my family). I have great friends. I am following God and am a child of God. I am happy.
I have to admit, this isn't really where I thought I would be today, but I am sure glad that I am right here.
I have moved on from my past. I have moved on from the past hurts and pains. I have moved from the relationships that we not healthy or good for me. I have moved on from times in my life where I cried for no apparent reason, times in my life where I have been depressed, times in my life where my hair fell out due to being overstressed. I have moved on.
I am not saying that my past isn't still in my memories or that I have completely gotten rid of all the pain or anger, but I am in a constant progress to forgive and to heal.
I have moved on and I am happy.
I am not saying that I am perfect or have really a handle on every aspect of my life, but I am following a God who has plans I can't see or always understand. I am following a Maker who is far greater than I could ever know or imagine. I am still healing and I am still forgiving. I am still a work in progress, but I am still a follower of the One who is working on me.
P.S. I used to think being a follower was a bad thing, but not as long as I am following the real Leader, God the Father.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 2:15 PM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Listen here, it's the Aberdeen American News Out and About Podcast
I laugh a lot and don't really know what to say when they let me say the last words. But I thought of something I could have said (don't you hate that), People of Aberdeen have a great weekend. I like podcasts.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 7:06 AM
Yesterday everyone going to Africa ate curry for supper, made by lady who was preaching for the Revival. She is from Durban, but she toned down the spiciness that the curry could have had. Anyway, we were talking and someone allowed my mom to add her thoughts. She said that Kyle thinks that I won't be able to rough it in Africa because I actually am a wimp. But, I am sick of everyone thinking that I won't be able to make it without putting as much product in my hair that I do currently. I am sick of everyone thinking that I won't be able to go and survive the bugs because I am afraid of them. (Don't believe me? After church, my mom stood up and there was a lady bug. I was like, "Oh, Mom, there's a lady bug." Then my mom killed it in attempting to pick it up. I must have said gross or something because Ella came up to me and asked if I was afraid of bugs. When I responded yes, she asked me how I was going to go to Africa.) I am sick of it.
Then I realized something. Why am I letting their thoughts (or doubts rather) of me affect me? I am letting them give me a defeated attitude, so even I have started to wonder how I am going to make it. I am going to make it. Yes, I am afraid and yes, it won't be easy, but yes, my God will be there every step of the way. Perhaps I won't make it because I can do it on my own, but because I have faith and trust in a God who can help me survive it all. So, next time someone wonders how I will be able to tough it out in Africa, I will tell them, "I wouldn't be able to survive Africa if it wasn't for God. But God will be with us."
Another thing I learned from job shadowing during the trials and what not. That justice is so very much needed. And from talking to people, the importance of press is that it won't always be exciting to write about everything, but someone has to write about it. Getting the word out there is important. Things aren't always great to hear. And it was very depressing sitting in on the trial where the guy was pleading guilty (this time he plead guilty, I don't know if that is how he first plead) to like I am not sure what the correct term is, but like sexual misconduct to a minor. It was disturbing, but we can't shield ourselves from unpleasant things just because they are disturbing. We need justice and we need journalists and press.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:41 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I had a really great day today. I job shadowed at the Aberdeen News. I was nervous when I walked in and said that I was there for job shadowing. But, everyone was really nice so my nervousness didn't last that long. I followed Scott around mostly. We first went to the courthouse to get court reports and then we sat in on a trial. It was pretty serious. Scott apologized for it being so graphic, but that's what happens in the world so there's no reason to pretend like it doesn't happen. Then there was time before the next trial so we went to the Red Rooster and I got some coffee. Then we walked back to the courthouse. The next trial was about a burglary. We looked at calendars to see upcoming trial dates. The judges were nice. Actually, everyone today was really nice. Then we headed back to the newsroom. He typed and I talked to a couple other reporters and met some more people. They let me be in their weekly podcast. Ha, ha. Before they started recording, they told me not to worry because no one listens anyway. It will be online tomorrow, I will try to find a link. Then maybe there can be two listeners. Ha, ha. Then Scott and I went to lunch at the new Mexican place. He said that it was good that I was job shadowing him because we both get a free meal out of it. Then there was more typing. He let me write like two sentences for the paper tomorrow and my name will be under it. It's pretty exciting. Of course, it's not really much of anything, but I don't care. I am excited anyway. Then several people took a field trip to the courthouse. Then they all went to the Red Rooster to talk about upcoming Sunday stories. It was cool. They told me that it was not at all a typical day and usually they don't have as much free time as they did today. But it was still really cool.
I really did love the newsroom. Mostly everyone's desks were messy. I loved all the mess. I thought of my mother, though, because she would want to organize everyone. I am not a very organized person, so I liked all the papers everywhere. They all had a news line question emailed to them and it was asking for "glutton-free" restaurants instead of gluten-free. Everyone was joking about it all day. It was funny. And I enjoyed how everyone just talks to each other. It was a lot of fun. Russ told me that he's been working for 20 years (I am not sure if he meant there or what, but whatever) and not a single day has been the same and that the years have just flown by. Now I am all up for the days not being all the same. That's what I find boring about most jobs. I love writing so I would love to be able to work in a newsroom or a magazine room (is that still a newsroom?). One lady asked me how I knew that I wanted to write and I told her, "Well, when I was in the first grade, I wanted to be an author, but I don't have enough patience to write a whole book." Good thing for Journalism.
I had a great day. I enjoyed job shadowing. I wish I could go back and do it again.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 9:10 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I love North Dakota. You know why? Because as soon at it hits 40 degrees outside, I ditch my winter coat and start wearing a light jacket. There's really no place like North Dakota. (Well, South Dakota comes kinda close, but we have less ugly license plates.) I love spring. I don't always love living in a climate that very clearly has all four seasons. I do, however, love the snow melting and spring coming. I enjoy spring more after a winter that was way too long.
I am job shadowing at the newspaper tomorrow. I am excited, but I am also kind of nervous. Job shadowing your junior year is something that I have looked forward to ever since I first heard about job shadowing. It's finally here and I am glad that I am job shadowing who I am. However, I feel it's a little weird to just like follow someone around. If I were working, I think that would get annoying after a while. And since I am not in the high school English class, I don't have to write a paper on the job shadowing, which is cool. I just get to job shadow and not have to do anything besides get all out of the job that I can.
We had Revival again tonight. She said that Revival is a change within us, that it doesn't end tomorrow. I really enjoy Revival. I mean, I get a lot out of it. I would totally just listen to people preach everyday of the week if I could. I am like a preaching nerd.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 8:56 PM
Monday, March 10, 2008
Come into my arms and I will give you rest
Will you trust me with your whole life?
Will you go into the place that I call you to be
and wait until I supply?
Only there will you find joy
Only there will you find me.
Here I am. I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for the day when you see light
Here I am, you're never alone
Wherever you go, I am here
Trust me with your life.
I will take away the pain you hide and fill it with my love
Will you ever begin to see the reasons why you are here
and take a leap of faith into the arms of me?
-Sevenglory, Waiting for You
Revival again tonight. Again, it was amazing. God is so more awesome than words could describe.
P.S. I could have gone to something amazing, but I already have plans. Plans to take the ACT again. Stupid plans, when I could have done something amazing. It's hard sometimes to see what God wants, but I need to draw near to Him.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 9:33 PM
Sunday, March 9, 2008
"Cause we're all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven"
-Relient K, Forgiven
My body is telling me that it's still an hour earlier. Ah, blast you time change. Blast you Daylight Savings Time. Do you really save any daylight? Actually, I don't really care. The really only change will be that I won't want to wake up tomorrow morning. But that would probably be even if we didn't have a time change. Maybe the only real difference will be that my English professor won't comment on how much he loves the sun. Since at my 8:00 class that I have tomorrow (yes, spring break has ended), there won't be much sun right away.
I actually have a lot of thoughts in my head right now, but I don't know where to start talking, so I guess I will just ramble things until it seems long enough to be a post. Alright, sounds good.
I keep checking my phone, but I know you won't be texting me. (P.S. If you don't have texting/have never texted me before in your life, this isn't about you.) I said goodbye to you and I meant it. I know that you know that I meant it, too. It's hard to know if this is what is best or not. I keep trying to justify it, but then I try to stop thinking about it.
My dad called me twice this weekend, but I didn't answer it the first time because I was printing the newsletters and the second time I didn't hear it ring. But, actually, I just didn't want to talk to him. The only reason he called was because my mother told me to. She even gave him things to talk to me about. Is it really wrong for me not to want to talk to him even though I really know that he doesn't want to talk to me?
We are having revival at my church. The speaker is saying that altar should be the friendliest place. I don't see it. I am very afraid of the altar. Maybe I am just afraid of being vulnerable. I am not sure. I don't know if I can just take my problems to the altar and leave it there. This is another reason I don't know if I can be a pastor, pastors can't be afraid of the altar. They must embrace it. I don't know. I am sorry I am admitting this. I really should be keeping it to myself.
A friend of mine asked me tonight if I was alright. I am not sure what I said, but something along the line of don't I seem fine? And he said, "I read your blog." I apologize, I am really not like this much of mess. Alright, maybe I am, but I am not a basket case or anything. I am just trying this life thing. I know other people have it way worse than me. I am going to go think of all that I can be grateful for now or something.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 10:40 PM
Friday, March 7, 2008
I do not admire or look up to this man. He will not walk me down the aisle when I get married. And it's really shame, because this man is my father. It's weird how one decision started many decisions (to use the computer more, to grow distant from your family, then to leave) can change someone (your daughter's) opinion of you. I was once a daddy's girl. Now there is probably no way that I can ever be a daddy's girl again. Sorry, dad. You left. You missed me growing up into the person I am. It was painful and the stress caused horrible stomach aches and my hair to fall out, and I blamed myself for a while, but I know it is not my fault. I'm sorry it is this way, but it is.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 7:33 AM
Thursday, March 6, 2008
"Savior, the more that I see Your beauty
The more that I glimpse Your glory
My heart is captured by You
Jesus, You are my greatest treasure
Nothing this world can offer
Could ever compare to You
So, hear my heart’s cry
And my prayer for this life"
-Vicky Beeching, Above All Else
Vicky Beeching in her blog, made me think, so I will quote what she said:
"So with Paul, let us say that we will speak of Christ crucified. The simple message of the gospel is what will transform a nation. Lets not get side tracked in the wrapping; meetings, nice coffee at church, and fancy powerpoint are great, but ONLY if they are supporting the presentation of the Gospel message! For only that, rather than our media and technological advances, will changes lives and ultimately change culture."My church just got a new projectors and Pastor is putting the sermons on PowerPoints. We are putting the words for the worship songs on PowerPoints. We are watching videos on PowerPoints. I realize that we are like a couple years behind just about every other church, but we are finally being modern. I can't really think of a better word than modern. I suppose I could say that we are getting hip with the times (but then that would prove I am not hip with the times). It's very exciting that I am part of a living church. I don't know the numbers of our congregation or really if we are growing or shrinking, but Pastor once said that you are living when the youth is growing up and becoming pastors. I really hope I didn't just like butcher that quote there, but we are a living church. I wish I could find the notes on the series of sermons Pastor gave on Revelation 2 and 3, but it must be in my other notebook.
I am a member of a church who understands the importance of scripture. I am a member of a church who believes we must live on purpose (notes from Pastor's sermon from 12/31/06: Living on purpose for Jesus means that everything else in life is secondary to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, living on purpose means taking hold of that [Philippians 3:12] so that you may take a hold of Christ, and living on purpose for Jesus means making decisions consistent with knowing the surpassing greatness and things we need to take hold of.) I am a member of a church who believes in discipleship (from Pastor's 1/7/07 sermon: Things Jesus Expects of a Disciple: 1. To be a model of tireless endurance, 2. To be motivated by the external expedition of the word of God, 3. To be obligated to the Kingdom of God.) I am a member of a church that believes that you can't believe and understand the resurrection of Christ and not be changed. I am a member of a church that knows without God, we can do nothing.
P.S. It's snowing:
I said, "I hate snow."
Cole said, "Annie, You live in North Dakota."
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:54 AM
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I watched Once. I will say it's an amazing movie. It's rated R for language, because they drop the f-bomb over and over. And while I do think swear words are unnecessary words for people who can't think of something better or more intelligent to say, if you overlook all the swearing, it's a great movie. The songs are great and the story is pretty cool. And when the credits start rolling (and like any girl who searches for short last names, I always watch the credits until the very end), you realize that you have gotten to know these characters without knowing their names. The main characters, named in the credits are "Guy" and "Girl." I will admit, that makes it more brilliant, in a you-didn't-expect-that kind of way. I don't like musicals, for the very reason that there is too much singing (and by the end, I am usually wanting very badly to scream at the screen, "Just say what you're thinking!" despite my being slightly jealous that I am never able to break out into rehearsed dance numbers without people looking at me like I am crazy), but Once is great and you don't really ever think of it as a musical (maybe because it has no rehearsed dance numbers). Best of all, it was a low budget film. And you gotta give props to the low budget filmmakers. Plus, Girl seems to buy her jackets from a men's jacket store, which I will admit isn't too fashionable or pretty, but it totally works for her. All in all, it is a good movie. I would only recommend it if you don't cringe whenever you hear the f-word, if you do cringe, this movie might drive you crazy.
Girl: How come you don't play during daytime? I see you here everyday.
Guy: During the daytime people would want to hear songs that they know, just songs that they recognize. I play these song at night or I wouldn't make any money. People wouldn't listen.
Girl: I listen.
Posted by Andra Lauren at 6:52 AM
Monday, March 3, 2008
"The gavel slams and the verdict is in
And the jury find you guilty for the things that you did
You're scared for your life, so you turn to the man
The man that holds your life in the palm of his hands.
And your heart starts racing like a bullet from the gun
And you can feel it in your chest, it's affecting your lungs
This breath that you're taking's getting harder to take
Why did it take so long to wake up?"
-Between the Trees, Fairweather
I really like Between the Trees. It doesn't have much to do with what I am able to say, but oh, well.
"[...] You deserve someone equal to you. Someone who won't hurt your morale fiber and someone who can care for you, too." -Text message that is currently in my Inbox
I don't like the word deserve. I really don't deserve anything actually. It's weird, you know, knowing what has to happen, but pretending it doesn't because it will hurt. I know life isn't all easy. And I know the struggles I consider struggles now are nothing compared to real struggles, to real suffering, to real problems. But I am a teenager, so let me have my teenage angst. It's just so hard to let go sometimes. Perhaps it's because when you let go then you aren't in their life and then you're worried they will not care anymore and really mess up. Perhaps it's because it's nice having someone there. I am not sure. And I know this is for the best. And I know I was fine before you and I will be fine after you. I know all this. But that doesn't make it any easier. And I would tell you what I am talking about, but this whole blog thing isn't leave room for privacy, but I still want to get this out and I don't really have much people that I can confide in. So I will keep it non-descriptive so you are never really sure what I am talking about.
(P.S. This isn't about you either.)
Posted by Andra Lauren at 7:02 AM