Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Let it All Out

I remember reading a quote once that was like, "A boat is safe in the harbor, but that is not what it was made for." Same goes for me, I suppose, an Annie is safe at home, but that is not what she was made for. However, I cannot help but being stressed.

First off, I have a headache right now because I did a lot of crying today. I did a lot of crying today because I had to take my cat, Olive back to the vet. She got her back claws declawed and she also got spayed a week ago and she wasn't getting better. She wouldn't eat or walk around, she wouldn't do anything but sleep. She was in pain, so we had to take her back to the vets whose fault is probably is in the first place. She has an infection in her body and I don't think she is doing too good. The vet said that they would have to keep her overnight and probably for several days. Now, my family are animal people, when we get a pet, they become part of our family. It feels empty in the house without her. I cried so much because I blame myself and because I know how death works. I work in a nursing home. I know people get infections and sometimes they don't come out of them. I really hope you aren't one of those annoying people who think that it is pointless to pray for cat. I remember my old Sunday School teacher once saying how he liked teaching kids that were middle school aged instead of younger because the younger kids had prayer requests for the kitties all the time. Let me tell you that my cat is my baby. She came into our backyard with a broken leg and cracked pevis and we took her in. And she began part of our family. I don't want to lose part of my family.

I am going to try to stop thinking about my kitten now because it is making me want to cry again. And I have already cried off most of my mascara. I got new tires put on my car today (believe me, having to get new tires on my car was another stress all its own) and so my mom and I had to kill time in Wal-Mart so we bought some supplies for college which only made me realize that I need to prepare and make lists of what I need to take to college. Which really just makes me stressed out because I don't want to go to college. I don't want to leave, I don't want anything to change. We are having to make some changes at the nursing home in dietary because the driver (who takes the food from the nursing home to the other building where it is the assisted care facility) is probably going to want a job that is actually more than just two 1.5 hours split up through the day, so they want to supply the position with the people who are actually already working, which isn't something that I really find ideal, because I don't like change. So I went with the driver one day to learn how and the dietary head person asked me how I liked it and I said that I didn't think it was so bad, even though I didn't want to think it could work because I don't like change. She was like, "I expected the older morning ladies to say that, but not you." Which basically led to a conversation about how I don't like change, I don't rearrange me furniture and that I am scared to go off to college. Of course, I am very scared to go off to college. I am scared of change and I am scared of, well, a lot of things. Which is stressing me out.

I think that there was something else that I was going to talk about, but I don't actually remember. I am not even very sure that anything else that I have said has made sense. You see, this is why I don't like having a day off, because when I get a day off, I think. When I think, I stress out. And then I cry and get headaches and everything goes wrong. I just want my cat to be okay.

1 comment:

CT said...

Reading your post, Andra, made me think of something I hadn't thought of before.

Life comes with change. But, life also comes with things that don't change. You work at the nursing home. Part of your job might change, but other part's won't change. You still work in dietary, you still love your residents, you still work hard and do good work.

You are moving to college. That is a big change. But what isn't going to change at all is that you still will be living to serve God, he will still take care of you, you will still be working hard, you will still have friends who will ALWAYS have your back, you will still have a purpose.

Change comes, but it can't touch certain things.