Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Train Wreck in Progess

-Amos Bronson Alcott

I love routine. Maybe that's why I'm sad there's no school. Because summer means that I hardly have a routine. Since my mom won't let me sleep until noon, I wake up around 7:30 and have a cup of coffee then shower after that. I don't know if I've gotten the job at Southside yet (the uncertainity is giving me too much time to think about how I'll probably suck it up at work), even then I'll work whenever needed and not have a rountine. I don't like the uncertainity of what my day will bring. I actually don't even like surprises. I don't like not knowing what to expect. Since I think it goes hand in hand, I don't like change either. I like things to remain the same way, when I know what to expect.

I love spontaneity. Before you think I'm bipolar, let me say that I love a majority of things random. Out of nowhere. Just living and not thinking. I can't explain it, but there are times when I love unplanned things that you don't expect. I don't know how I can love both. Maybe I really am bipolar. Actually, that would explain a lot. Anyway, that's what that quote makes me think of. Just living and enjoying things that you have no idea what will come. I will admit I like knowing what will happen more so, but I should learn to enjoy the unknown. Because, quite honestly, it isn't as fun if you know the ending of a movie, right? Or the end of a book. It takes away the fun of reading the middle. I don't know how people can read the last chapter of a book (I prefer to read the last word or sentence and that's it). Then you lose the desire to read the middle storyline part of the book, because you know the result anyway. That's the good thing about life, you have no idea what will happen in the end. Five--even ten-year plans can fall through. Life is worth living just because it seems like a train wreck in progress. Life is worth living because we can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is worth the struggles, because we need to build the faith that no matter what the light is still there, waiting at the finish line. Life is worth every second. Oh, life is worth the spontaneity. So, maybe I shouldn't worry about making a summer routine and maybe I should just live my summer and have it come what may.

That being said, I want it to rain.

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