Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I am an Uncool Human

You know, I read all these blogs about cool people who have lives. You know, they work at cool jobs and travel and do like amazing things. It challenges me to be greater and better, but it also is a little depressing. I read about people who are so cool and I just think, "I am so not cool." I am so not cool, I still use the word cool. It seems like everyone else has a larger vocabulary and uses fun, intelligent words that sound witty. They show what they are listening to and they are listening to bands that I have never heard the name of, but they seem like they are total rockin' bands. Of course, I also think that if I looked up any of these bands, I would not want to actual listen to any of it. I am currently listening to Relient K, Anberlin, Between the Trees, Barlowgirl, and some more Relient K. They have accomplished things and are really going places. They take pictures, work on books and music, work in churches. They are like superhuman. I know that they aren't really. I know in the back of my mind that they have flaws, that they fall short. They mess up and have to pick themselves back up again. But, it never seems like it.

So, I sit here in my room and read the blogs of people who are just about as close to superhuman you can get. I sit in my patheticness. And I think, I am uncool, I am not accomplishing anything, I am not doing anything super great or exciting. I am not going anything exciting (well, I am going to South Africa in 18 days). I am just me. I am Annie. My nose is running because I am sick (I think everyone else is so superhuman that I picture them as people whose noses never run and the thought of anyone reading about how I am actually writing about running noses is repulsive, but then I know that no one actually reads this, so I grab a tissue and feel a little better). I feel like any second a spider is going to crawl on me. Not that my house is at all unclean, but I am paranoid. I took my dog for a walk and was starting to feel a side pain after only going like ten blocks. I watch the Style network to see how someone's nest can be dressed. I watch the Food Network because I absolutely love love love Ace of Cakes. I bake desserts so often that there is never a time where there isn't something sweet in our house. I look up recipes. In fact, there are three things that I need the internet for: Read blogs, find recipes, and shop.

I am sitting here and my feet are falling asleep. My dog is snoring. My ceiling fan is making a noise that makes me fear that it will probably fall down on my head. And I realize something: That I am so human and I am so uncool. One day I hope that my blog will sound as cool and exciting as others, but for now, I am just here. I am living day to day. I am failing and falling and trying to be honest about it all. I am learning to live, learning to love, and learning how to change a tire. I am just an uncool human.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow you changed your layout.

A couple things to say here...first I read your blog like it's an addiction, well, because it is an addiction. (I love my google reader) Secondly, you are without a doubt not "uncool". Are you kidding. You are high school student who has more desire, passion, and zest for God than what most adults do. You are making a huge difference in many lives. I don't even need to know you personally to know this. Be encouraged that these "super-human" people you see struggle. They have the same temptations and sins that you deal with. They are where they are today because they were obedient to God, and served Him when asked. They worked their way up to where they were. However, their influence is no larger than the possible capacity of yours.

So keep blogging, keep living, and keep being cool.

Haha...okay, so maybe don't use the word "cool" as much, but you are pretty preeminent!