Sunday, August 17, 2008

I Have No Idea

I realized a couple things recently.

Odd things.
I was standing in the kitchen and my father was sitting on the stairs petting my kitten.
My father is a complete stranger.
And I don't have any desire to get to know him.
Because from what I do now, he is a jerk.
He doesn't understand that we have bills and no money.
He doesn't seem to care.
I know nothing about him.
I was sitting in the living room talking to my mother.
I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I thought I did. I always thought I knew.
Go to MNU. Major in Youth and Family Ministry.
I no longer feel confident in all decisions.
I am a senior in high school and I have doubts.
I don't really like MNU's campus.
I don't know what area of ministry I want to be in.
I don't want to be a pastor of a church.
I want to write.
That's the only thing I know for sure.
I want to write.
And you know what?

I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I have no idea what the future holds.


CT said...

The best thing I can suggest, Andra, is that it is OK not to know what you want to do. Just wait on God. Give up on getting everything figured out all by yourself.

I was freaking out about where and how I was going to go to college and what I would major in and how that would tie into my future career. Finally I got so frustrated and didn't like any of the options I saw so I gave up and said, "I don't care, I'm not going to worry about it any more." Which might not have been the 100% best attitude, but it got me to the point of knowing that I couldn't figure it all out or plan out my future on my own power. That is when God picked it up and started making things work and making things happen. And now here I am, right where I want to be.

He's gotchya.

Chris said...

I agree, by the way, I'm Chris. Its kinda weird but my dad showed me your blog, he thinks your hilarious. We were actually heading down to charleston were i am going to college (yea! i'm in college now) and he just started reading some of your blogs outloud to my entire family. Anyways back to the point. People are born with gifts and desires for a reason. If your sure that you want to be a writer, thats almost definatily God telling you thats what you need to do with your life. Especially by the fact thats its rattled your plans a little bit. I know its easier said than done but if God's showing you what he wants you to do with your life, then he most certaintly wont leave you hanging if you start to pursue that wholeheartedly. I know where you've been talkin about rerouting your whole plans. God really does show you the way, but a lot of times we have to throw ourselves off the cliff blindfolded so he can catch us up and take us where we need to be. Sort of the proverbial "leap of faith" (I'm not sure if that actually proverbial, but it sounded pretty cool). Devastation and Reform=Awesomness