Saturday, December 29, 2007

Becoming Who I Am

Friday night I worked at the bowling alley. Dick left a wrench on the table that I could totally have used for protecting myself in case someone came in to attack me. However, my reflexes are awful and so every time my friend said someone was coming in, I didn't grab for the wrench right away. Ha, ha. Anyway, a friend came to visit me. Not to bowl, although I was told that I could still bowl if I wanted, but I left my shoes in my car, but just for a visit. It reminded me that this friend, despite not always getting along, and even though he's only in Aberdeen for college, we don't always talk much, but we still get along pretty well and are still friends. Anyway, this friend made me think. Trust is an important thing. People need to be trusted, and even if we start out neutral with everyone we meet, there's no reason to not trust them right away.

He also told me that I'm too forgiving. But, living and forgiving must go hand and hand. In growing up, I've learned that people will always hurt you. Maybe that's too cynical, but friends, family, strangers, anyone in your life will hurt you one time or another, whether it's something big and important or not. You'll get hurt. That's why if you never forgive people, then you will spent your life lonely because you don't forgive anyone and you'll push them all away. Honestly, I have yet to be able to not forgive someone. Seriously, I've forgiven my father. I didn't think I would ever be able to do that. But, Jesus forgave my sins. I think I can at least forgive others. (See Ephesians 4:32 which says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.")

"We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too"
-Relient K, Forgiven

As for today, I went to Minot for a quiz. I didn't do too well. I'm told I shouldn't go into it already thinking I've been defeated. Which is totally what I did. I don't know why. The only times I got any questions was when I didn't start out thinking I wouldn't get anything. Did that makes sense? Ha, ha. It made sense to me. I mean, I know quizzing isn't about the points, but it's like I told my mom. I want to do quizzing this year. (I quit last year in December, it's like I told Brad, I'm a bad quitter, I rejoin after I've quit.) I love Philippians, but I need an attitude change. I love having all the past verses I've memorized in my head, and I want to get excited about the Word. I want to get to the point where I am yearning to learn more, to the point where without the Word, I'm hungry for it. I'm not there yet, but that's where I want to be.

"I keep on learning the hard way from every mistake
and I’m finding each time that you fall, you’re just becoming who you are"
-Mainstay, Become Who You Are

I'm still becoming who I am. Who I am as a person and who I am as a believer in Christ. However, one thing I do think about life:

"I’m Sunny with a high of 75
Since you took my heavy heart
And made it light
And its funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you’re happy to be alive"
-Relient K, High of 75

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