Monday, December 17, 2007

Last Thing I Expected

Seeing as how 2007 is rapidly coming to an end, most people take some time to reflect on the past year. Usually I make a list of everything that I did that year. Perhaps I will again, but that's not what I'm doing here. I never really expected I would be right here.

I never expected that I wouldn't be excited for the 16th birthday. (Which was June 16th.) It came and went and that's pretty much all there is to say. I learned a lesson, though, if you have the chance to spend your actual birthday with your friends or your family, I (no offense to my friends, because my birthday was alright) would pick my family. My 16th birthday was not at all like I imagined it would be. It was the birthday I looked forward to ever since I was like six. Now I'm 16. And it doesn't seem to matter at all. My 17th birthday will more than likely be spent in South Africa next year.

Speaking of Africa, the last thing I expected is being allowed to go. But here I am, I have my passport ready and meningitis shot already injected into my left arm. I am far from actually being ready, though. I need to write more sermons, and tweak my old sermons. Pastor talked to my mom and changed her mind. Actually, another thing that changed her mind was that she knew I'd be kept safe with the people I'm going with. (Actually, a friend of mine, Cole's family, going helped my mom agree to let me go, because she knows that they won't let me die.)

Another last thing I expected was that I'd still be single. Ha, ha. Doesn't that make me sound full of myself? However, let me explain, I have seemed to (whether I was looking or not) always have a guy (/almost boyfriend) in my life. I never valued my singleness. Besides I fact that I don't really think people need to date in high school (which I still thought even when I was in relationships). I don't want to say that this has anything to do with it, but a certain comment someone said about me kinda has stuck with me. "Annie just has a bunch of guys because she's trying to fill the hole from her father." That made me angry and isn't true at all, but I can't get it out of my head. Of course that person also said other things about me and called me things I'd rather not repeat. I am being honest when I am saying that I know God wants me to be single right now. Like I can feel it and I have no doubts about it. Even though I feel like that now, I started out the school year thinking that as soon as I am content with being single, a guy would come along and then I wouldn't have to be single. No such luck. So, I'm learning to be joyful and content.

Now, I never expected that the song Annie Waits by Ben Folds Five would be so fitting either. But, I listened to it over and over on the way up and back from Jamestown. "And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits/For a call/From a friend/The same/It's the same/Was it always the same?/Annie waits for the last time/The clock never stops, never stops, never waits/She's growing old/It's getting late/And so he forgot, he forgot/Maybe not/Maybe he's been seriously hurt/Would that be worse?/Headlights crest the hill/Shadows pass her by and out of sight/Annie sees her dreams:/Friday bingo, pigeons in the park/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie says "You see this is why I'd rather be alone."/Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits/For a call/From a friend/The same/It's the same/Was it always the same?/Annie waits as the last.../Headlights crest the hill/Who will be the one for evermore?/Annie, I could be/If we're both still lonely when we're old/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie waits for the last time/Just the same as the last time/Annie waits/But not for me" (Annie Waits, Ben Folds Five). But that songs seems to be fitting. Maybe not that sad about being alone part, but about not waiting for that phone call anymore. I'm sad that this friend has become a stranger and calls when that person knows I'm at school and can't talk. But, I'm happy that this friend is happy and that his life is going on. I'm happy for that.

The last thing I expected is that I would be answering the phone when my dad calls (even if he only calls because my mom tells him to), I never thought I would have forgiven him. (Which I did, on March 5, 2007.) I am not saying my relationship with him is healed. And I still want my brother to walk me down the aisle for my wedding, because my brother was there for me all the times my dad wasn't. My brother was the man in the house when my dad wasn't. But, I said, "I forgive you, Dad," and he said, "Thank you," and then we talked about the weather. I never thought I would have done that.

The last thing I expected is that I would be getting my local Minister's License this Sunday. I know what I am going to wear. I never would have expected it though. I am happy I am getting it, even though it doesn't seem that big of deal. But, no, there's no age limit. So it's okay that I am only 16. Ha, ha. I know you were thinking that, weren't you? But, I will be standing there next Sunday getting it. And I will be wearing my black dress. Ha, ha.

Now, here's something that wasn't the last thing I expected: That Jesus is still enough, more than enough for me.

1 comment:

CT said...

God is faithful. He will complete the work in you (and in the rest of us) that He has started. Way to go.