Letting Go

"The gavel slams and the verdict is in
And the jury find you guilty for the things that you did
You're scared for your life, so you turn to the man
The man that holds your life in the palm of his hands.
And your heart starts racing like a bullet from the gun
And you can feel it in your chest, it's affecting your lungs
This breath that you're taking's getting harder to take
Why did it take so long to wake up?"
-Between the Trees, Fairweather

I really like Between the Trees. It doesn't have much to do with what I am able to say, but oh, well.

"[...] You deserve someone equal to you. Someone who won't hurt your morale fiber and someone who can care for you, too." -Text message that is currently in my Inbox

I don't like the word deserve. I really don't deserve anything actually. It's weird, you know, knowing what has to happen, but pretending it doesn't because it will hurt. I know life isn't all easy. And I know the struggles I consider struggles now are nothing compared to real struggles, to real suffering, to real problems. But I am a teenager, so let me have my teenage angst. It's just so hard to let go sometimes. Perhaps it's because when you let go then you aren't in their life and then you're worried they will not care anymore and really mess up. Perhaps it's because it's nice having someone there. I am not sure. And I know this is for the best. And I know I was fine before you and I will be fine after you. I know all this. But that doesn't make it any easier. And I would tell you what I am talking about, but this whole blog thing isn't leave room for privacy, but I still want to get this out and I don't really have much people that I can confide in. So I will keep it non-descriptive so you are never really sure what I am talking about.

(P.S. This isn't about you either.)