Friday, January 18, 2008

Decisions and Sixlets

I can't decide. I really hate making decisions. But I'm never sure what I really want and I'm always afraid I am making the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

I don't feel good. I actually feel quite awful, but life still goes on. I still have to go to my 8:00 class, which meets in the library this morning. I actually honestly have never been past the front door of the library at the college. I still have to go to school and finish a project and take a test I didn't study for, and finish I worksheet that I have no clue what I'm doing. I still have to talk to like three people that I do not want to. I have to. I have to. I cannot put it off any longer. I still have to work tonight earlier (like I have to go in before 5:30) because Dick wants to go to the TBC basketball game. At least I like the bowling alley. I do not, however, like not feeling good. I so wish I could just spend tonight sleeping and not getting up and not getting ready and not doing anything at all.

I was allowed yesterday to decide. I still couldn't decide. What is my problem? Why can't I just decide and be happy? I know it's all attitude, whatever I choose, happiness still depends on my going into it with the right attitude. Time is running out. Time is running out. I must decide. It's not that big of deal. So what? I make the wrong decision, it will still be alright. It is fun if I decide it will be. I quit. I can't quit. This isn't fun. I should flip a coin. I'd have to get up to go get a coin.

You know what is my current favorite thing? Sixlets. If someone could explain to me why they are called sixlets when there are five different colors and come in little packets of eight. It was funny. We were standing in the hallway, talking about why they were sixlets, when they come in eight. I was like, "Hey, I have nine!" Krista didn't believe me, so after counting a couple times, my voice seeming to increase in volume each time, she finally believed me after she counted herself. Then I finally got the package open (I have trouble doing that) and... one falls on the floor. Then I was like, "Now I only have eight!"

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