Wednesday, January 23, 2008

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days. You know, one of those days were the only thing you can really say about it was that it was one of those days. It had good, it had bad. It had both, though, so it's hard to tell if today was worse or better. I guess it matters then what you're comparing it to. But it was one of those days. You know, the days were you just have to go out of your way to initialize the "those."

I found out a lot of things. Most things I already knew and just needed to be reminded. Like that you should only trust the friends who were there for you and drink hot chocolate and ate popcorn with you until your dad came to pick you up. Okay, that's a reference from when I was in like 5th grade, but still. The lesson is the same. You will always have people talk about you behind your back. It will always happen. However, there's still one or two friends that are watching your six. You know, the ones that know your I'm-about-to-cry face, or your I got Sixlets-because-I-know-you-love-them friends, you know those I'll-tell-you-suck-at-life-because-I-know-you'll-laugh-off kind of friends. Those I'm-not-making-fun-of-you-I'm-just-laughing-at-you-because-you-
hiccuping friends. Those I'm-stubborn-and-won't-let-you-carry-your-own-guitar friends. Those are the friends.

As for making decisions, always go for the person you can depend on. I'm not saying to not take risks. I'm saying that in the end, you'll be glad you didn't have to spend all your time worrying about whether or not you could depend on this person. You'll think you can depend on them, and their words seems to nice to hear, but when there's more times than not that they let you down, always go for the comfort of safe pudding.

I'm finding out more about myself. I'm finding that my expressions can be read into and even though I do not mean to at all, I may seem like I don't like certain people. I was talking to Jeremy and was like, "I can handle all this." He said, "you don't have to." I need to give it all to Jesus and let the opportunities come where I can be shaped and grown. I don't see any growth in me. I told someone not too long ago that I don't care. That I didn't care if he drank or partied. That I don't care, because when you care that's when you get hurt. I'm sorry I can't be the person that doesn't care. I am going to get hurt. It's the hurt than makes your skin grow back tougher. I don't mean tough on the outside. I don't mean tough and hardened. I mean strong enough to face each day. Strong enough to admit it's all because of Jesus. It's the broken pieces we need so we can give God the chance to put us back together the way He wants us. It's the hurt than requires healing and it's the healing that only comes from Jesus. So bring the pain, and bring the rain.

Less of me, more of Jesus. It takes one of those days so that at the end of the day, I can be on my knees.

"Been a hard one
Been a bad one
Been a tough one
Been a sad one
It's been just one of those days
That keeps chipping away at my heart"
-Mandisa, Only the World

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