Monday, January 7, 2008

Just Thinking; I Should Stop Thinking

Do you know what a bad idea is? To take off your finger nail polish and then within the next ten days, bite your fingernail. I mean, I wash my hands afterwards, of course, with GoJo even, but fingernail polish is gross. It smells gross and tastes gross and looks well, actually, blue.

Now I am not writing this next paragraph to get sympathy or to get anyone to be like, "no, Annie, none of that is true, you're amazing." I'm not fishing for compliments here. I am just writing this next paragraph because I'm trying to be completely honest and it's something on my mind lately. I don't have a very good self-esteem. I mean, I know I'm always like, "Oooh, I'm pretty," but really. I can say more things that I don't like about myself and my appearance than things that I do like. I realized that's probably normal and I probably have a terrific self-esteem compared to other people, but when I look in the mirror, I don't really like myself all too much. Anyway, there was a secret on PostSecret, that said, "I think that if I were less attractive, I'd have a better sense of who I really was." Well, in response to that, was said: "Believe me, being less attractive won't give you a better sense of yourself. But thank you because you just made me realize that being more attractive won't either." It's weird how I really need to read that today. I probably don't have a very good sense of myself (whatever that means), but appearances aren't that important. I would like to get to the point where I am happy with my appearance, I'm not even close to being there yet, but I'm on my way. I hope.

"Skin is just the surface
The passion and the purpose that's burning down inside us
Is really what we need to see"
-Mandisa, True Beauty

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